The American Theocracy - Public Welfare Programs

As it stands right now, faith-based organizations can administered public welfare programs, though the majority are still administered by the states. In the new American theocracy, states will get out of the business altogether! All such programs will be run through churches.

I imagine there will be religious-based litmus tests. Heathens will find it hard to get any assistance at all. This means, of course, that people from all faiths and walks of life will need to agree to be taught the word of God IF they want to eat or get help with housing or finding a job. It may simply be lip service, but, once many people start down that road, it will be a lot easier to reel them in.

Hand in hand with turning public welfare programs over the the church, federal funding will be drastically decreased with the goal of complete elimination of taxpayer dollars. In place of federal money, charitable donations will become the funding source.

Needless to say, donations will not keep in step with the need! So, churches will need to prioritize who among the poor receives assistance. Those individuals and families who happen to be non-Christian, non-white, headed by a single mother and/or live in undesirable places will be pushed to the back of the line or out of the line altogether.

The homeless will become legion and, in an effort to "curb" the problem, workhouses will be established. Workers from the workhouses will be "employed" like prison inmates are today.

If you're interested in reading more from this tongue-in-cheek series, go to the The American Theocracy Index page.

The American Theocracy - States' Rights

As it now stands, fundamentalists tend to be big supporters of states' right...as long as they agree with what the state is doing!! If they don't favor a particular state initiative, regulation or law, then they favor the federal government stepping in. However, in the new American theocracy, this will become one of those key issues that simply melts away.

Since the federal government will now be ruled by God (via the self-appointed duly elected), state and local governments will be emasculated. Their main purpose will be to enforce the divine mandates of the federal government/church!

In fact, it wouldn't surprise me at all if some fundamentalists started an initiative to do away with the concept of state governments altogether. While the states themselves would remain for the sake of tradition, there really wouldn't be any need for them to have their own governmental bodies.

You see, if state governments were allowed to continue as is, all the outcast non-believers might descend upon one state in the attempt to elect legislators who would pass state laws that contained such novel concepts like separation of church and state or granting equal rights to homosexuals. It could lead to social unrest or...gasp...civil war!

So, the best remedy would be not even to tempt fate. Let the states act like puppet governments, at most, and rely on the Christian federal government to set down the laws of the land.

The American Theocracy - Creationism

In the new American theocracy, we won't have to call creationism "Intelligent Design" to get around US Supreme Court rulings anymore. No, we'll just refer to it by what it really is!

Schools will no longer be allowed to teach the theory of evolution because there is no need for a theory when we already possess God's "truth". Museums and science exhibits will be required to show how the world was created only 6,000 or so years ago. While this dumbing down of future generations is bad enough, it certainly won't be the worst of it.

As it stands right now, many science-minded individuals emigrate to the United States to further their studies and careers. They find jobs in many of our outstanding research universities, with government agencies and in a wide variety of corporations. Unfortunately, once creationism replaces bona fide science, this trend will be reversed!

Not only will foreign scientists not emigrate here, but our leading home-grown scientific minds will hasten to emigrate to other nations that continue to value the scientific process. Within a generation or two, we will begin to see the real affects of this "brain drain."

Not that our religious/governmental leaders will mind!! A dumbed down populace is that much easier to fool and manipulate. By the the mid to latter part of this century -- provided "the rapture" has not occurred yet -- Americans will more closely resembled mindless zombies than cognizant human beings!

If you're interested in reading more from this tongue-in-cheek series, go to the The American Theocracy Index page.

The American Theocracy - Homosexuality

Without question, in the new American theocracy, homosexuality will be a grand taboo! Owing to Leviticus, 18:22, "You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination" and Leviticus, 20:13, "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them," homosexual acts and proclivities will not be tolerated.

The first step in this direction will be a new federal law that defines marriage as between one man and one woman. Steps will be taken to strike down any state statutes that provide for alternatives. Openly gay individuals will be thrown out of the military and government service. There will be a witch hunts to remove gay teachers and instructors at all levels of the educational system. Churches with gay pastors, elders, deacons and other high ranking officials will be stripped of their tax-exempt status and institutionally ostracized and harassed.

Within a generation or two, the situation will grow more dark. Homosexuality will become a crime! Anyone convicted of spreading the purposely nebulous "gay agenda" will face stiff penalties. Any individual who is openly gay will be brought before the appropriate court and given two options: 1) To be sent to a Christian residential center to be reprogrammed and rid of their homosexual desires or 2) If this fails or the individual refuses to go, sentenced to life without the possibility of parole. In some states -- Texas comes to mind -- gay individuals who refuse to attempt treatment may be sentenced to death.

Of course, while all these draconian measures are being employed on the American public, many church and government leaders will continue to indulge in their homosexual dalliances. It will be easier to spot them than they realize! Just as it is now, the ones who rail against homosexuality the most vociferously will be the queerest of the bunch!!

If you're interested in reading more from this tongue-in-cheek series, go to the The American Theocracy Index page.

The American Theocracy - US National Anthem

In the new American theocracy, the Star Spangled Banner will be cast aside as the nation's national anthem. Not only is it one of the most difficult national anthems to sing, but the popular version (the first stanza) makes no mention of God, the heavenly father, at all!! One has to wait until the 4th stanza -- ever heard the 4th stanza sung at a football game? -- for the SOLE mention of God in the whole dang thing.

This will simply not do, not do at all.

In it's place, God Bless America by Irving Berlin finally will take it's rightful place. It will be played several times per day on every licensed media outlet. Along with a prayer and the Pledge of Allegiance, it will form the start of every school day. It will be a mandatory requirement to be sung or played before every sporting event in which Americans participate. It will serve as the benediction for every church service or religious activity. It will become as ubiquitous as air itself.

So, here it is. Get used to it. Learn the words forwards and backwards. And always remember, America is the greatest nation on earth because the conservative Christian god blesses us to be so.

For full disclosure, I will admit for all to see that I absolutely DETEST this song!! Then again, I'm an avowed heretic.

If you're interested in reading more from this tongue-in-cheek series, go to the The American Theocracy Index page.

The American Theocracy - Global Warming

The evangelical world is split on this topic. On one hand, there is the Evangelical Climate Initiative that calls on Christians to work to eradicate the causes of global warming. On the other hand, there are organizations like the Cornwall Alliance that argue against human-caused climate change. Consequently, on first blush, it might appear as if this is one of those few issues in which there will be no consensus in the new American theocracy.

Oh, but such an assumption would be oh so wrong!! You see, the leaders of the new American theocracy use their "faith" more as a prop -- to control the unruly and sinful hordes -- more than anything else. The god that most of them worship is NOT the one found in the holy bible; they worship the god of wealth and power!

The god of wealth and power has deemed it far too expensive in the short-term to change the status quo. Since the bottom line of the powerful few is what matters most, the discussion of global warming will be forcibly removed from public discourse. We will be reminded again and again that God's creation -- the earth -- is perfect and nothing humankind can invent or create can despoil this perfect creation.

Concurrent with this theme, we will be told that worsening environmental conditions are not the fault of capitalist enterprise -- that fuel that makes the United States of America the greatest nation in the history of the world. No, the problem lies with Satan and all those Christian-denying nations.

In time, most Americans will come to believe this and it will be on this platform that our leaders will shepherd us into supporting more wars and more environmental destruction.

If you're interested in reading more from this tongue-in-cheek series, go to the The American Theocracy Index page.

The American Theocracy - School Choice

This is one of those issues that in the new American theocracy will be turned on its head. In current society, the major proponents of school choice are fundamentalist Christians. They believe that education should be Christ-led and that the public school system instead chooses to advance the e-v-i-l "gay agenda" and disparages their narrow beliefs.

Consequently, they advocate for public education dollars to go to families, so the parents can choose the appropriate educational setting for their children. Such settings include charter schools (specific public schools that often govern themselves), private schools and homeschooling. If such a scheme became fully vested, most fundamentalist parents would pull their progeny from the public schools and, since the dollars would follow their children, this would necessarily dilute public education even more than it is now.

However, in the new American theocracy, the battle lines would be completely redrawn. My guess is that the main proponents of school choice would now be non-Christians parents.

You see, in nation that has "returned to God" -- one in which school prayer is mandatory -- the public school system would come to resemble Church School! The conservative Christian worldview would become part of the everyday curriculum. Therefore, it would be non-Christian parents who wanted to get their kids away from this narrow perspective.

But, like so many other issues in the new American theocracy, school choice would be a non-starter. Our religious/political leaders would turn a deaf ear to such positions. Why? Because they specifically want to brainwash all of America's children into becoming the next generation of Christian soldiers.

If some non-theist parents continued to persist in calls for school choice, I can hear the rebuttal. "Don't like our Christ-centered educational system? Then you can leave the country. Go enroll your kids in schools in Russia or Iran!"

If you're interested in reading more from this tongue-in-cheek series, go to the The American Theocracy Index page.

The American Theocracy - Transgenderism

In the new American theocracy, transgenderism won't even be a concept! It won't be discussed -- even in hushed tones -- and it certainly won't be an available option. Since it is viewed by fundamentalists as part of the e-v-i-l "gay agenda," it, like homosexuality, will be stamped out at all costs!

The reason should be more than obvious. God, in his divine wisdom, created humans as male and female. Transgenderism advocates the idea that God made a boo boo and we all know that, in the Evangelical mind, this represents an impossibility. Consequently, if a person believes they were born into the wrong body, the person has a spiritual mental health problem.

Intensive Christian counseling (prayer) will be the order of the day. If that doesn't work -- if Satan simply refuses to let go of the hapless victim's soul -- I can easily envision people being locked up in institutions akin to asylums.

Look, if some people refuse to let go of their transgender "delusions," the new American theocracy simply can't let them roam the country. They might infect the minds of young children! If they aren't cordoned off from society, some people may get the idea that transgenderism isn't so e-v-i-l after all and this could represent the first step toward the undoing of the theocracy itself!

Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!!

If you're interested in reading more from this tongue-in-cheek series, go to the The American Theocracy Index page.

The American Theocracy - School Prayer

Over the past generation, we've witnessed much debate and lobbying in regards to the issue of prayer and religious activities in the public schools. There have been heated exchanges at local school board meetings, legislatures and the halls of Congress. So, you'll be happy to learn that, in the new American theocracy, school prayer and religious activities will no longer be debated issues.

Prayers will become mandatory! At the beginning of each school day, the teacher will lead the students in prayer. I'm certain that part of these daily prayers will remind students that their teachers are akin to surrogate parents and so the commandment about honoring mummy and daddy applies. Since corporal punishment will be reinstated as a preferred disciplinary measure -- spare the rod, spoil the child -- prayer time should get the kiddies in a "free and easy" (snort) learning mode!

At the outset, any prayer that mentions the Christian God will be deemed acceptable. Within a generation or two, however, the ranks of progressive Christian teachers will start to wane; non-Christian teachers already will have been sacked. By this juncture, prayers will reflect the god of the fundamentalist movement -- you know, the one who loves each of us so much that he's ready and willing to send most of us to hell!

No longer will students need to go off to their own churches for religious activities. Such activities will become important aspects of the school curriculum itself. Almost all student groups will be religion-based too.

The only area in which there may be a few persistent problems concerns those students who come from non-Christian homes (e.g., Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Pagan, Mormon, Jehovah Witness, Unitarians, etc.). In the new American theocracy, there is no room for other faiths! Non-fundamentalist Christian prayers by students will warrant institutional ostracizing, beatings (corporal punishment), suspensions and expulsions.

Don't even think of starting a non-fundamentalist Christian student group! That will be an obvious no-no.

With prayer now a fundamental aspect of every student's educational experience, our young people will lead the world in biblical knowledge. That will be something to crow about...since we will be turning out complete nincompoops in relation to most other subjects like science, math, history and the humanities!

If you're interested in reading more from this tongue-in-cheek series, go to the The American Theocracy Index page.

The American Theocracy - Law and Order

If you think the various levels of government spend a lot of taxpayer dollars on law and order today, under the new American theocracy, you ain't seen nothing yet!! While appropriations for education and social services will be pared back, the budgets for police, border patrol and domestic spying will go through the roof.

Relying on Romans 13:1-4, our religious/governmental leaders will tell us that it is the almighty God's will to turn this nation into a police-like state.

Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. Therefore whoever resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves. For rulers are not a cause of fear for good behavior, but for evil. Do you want to have no fear of authority? Do what is good and you will have praise from the same; for it is a minister of God to you for good. But if you do what is evil, be afraid; for it does not bear the sword for nothing; for it is a minister of God, an avenger who brings wrath on the one who practices evil.

And let me tell you, with all sorts of new laws enacted to a cover a wide range of personal behaviors, there will be grand opportunities for folk to commit all sorts of unwitting e-v-i-l!

A wife daring to disagree with her husband in public? Send in the police!

A same-sex couple having the audacity to show affection at the mall? Call out the National Guard!

A person of conscience giving a dollar to a homeless person? Thrown 'em both in jail!

A teacher with the temerity to teach evolutionary biology in school? It's time for an inquisition!

Be afraid. Be very, very afraid!!!

If you're interested in reading more from this tongue-in-cheek series, go to the The American Theocracy Index page.

The American Theocracy - Tattoos and Piercings

In the new American Theocracy, tattoo parlors and body art shops will be taboo! Since many conservative Christians consider such body adornment to be the work of the devil and/or bound up in evil pagan rituals, body art will no longer be tolerated.

The legislation passed to make these sorts of things patently illegal -- both for business owners and consumers -- will be justified by I Corinthians 6:19-20:

What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.

Ironically enough, while the "body as temple" argument will be utilized against tattoos and piercings, little emphasis will be focused on obesity!

With women forced back into the home, preparing the daily meals will become one of the highlights of their day. Magazines like Good Housekeeping will be resurrected and women will pore through them to discover new methods for preparing leg of lamb, pot roast and yummy butter cake!

America will continue down the road toward treating our bodies not like temples, but like 80,000 seat stadiums!

If you're interested in reading more from this tongue-in-cheek series, go to the The American Theocracy Index page.

The American Theocracy - Women in Politics

It's more than ironic that one of the leading figures in turning America back to God is a woman: Sarah Palin. In fact, if we look at many of the key races around the country, fundamentalist Christian women often are leading the way! This is most ironic because, in the eyes of conservative Evangelical Christians, a woman's place is in the home, not the halls of power.

But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
~ 1 Corinthians 11:3 ~

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
~ 1 Timothy 5:14 ~

To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
~ Titus 2:5 ~

So, what will this all mean in the new American Theocracy? Stealing a motif from Christianity itself, women in contemporary politics will play the role of Moses. They will lead the faithful to the Promised Land -- a theocratic America -- but they will not be allowed to enter it!

Once government and religion have been fused, women unceremoniously will be pushed out of politics and back to the kitchen! In fact, women in the corporate world will be thrown back on the hearth as well. (Poor women, of course, will be allowed to toil away in the low paying services industry.)

We'll return to the idyllic 1950s! You know, that time when a woman's primary role was to keep house and punch out one child after another?

It really makes one wonder if Sarah Palin and her ilk have really thought this whole thing through to its logical conclusion!

If you're interested in reading more from this tongue-in-cheek series, go to the The American Theocracy Index page.

The American Theocracy - Phase Two

When I first set off on this little rollicking adventure, my objective was modest. As I wrote in the introductory post, this brief series "will have 10 parts beyond this introduction and will span no more than 3 days." However, as I wrote an entry for each commandment, it dawned on me that I was letting off the fundamental right far too easy! Their movement has opinions on just about every major issue of our times as well as many issues of their own making.

So, Phase 2 of this series will take a look at where they stand on a myriad of topics. Posts most likely will not appear as frequently because, while I intend to maintain my tongue-in-cheek approach, I actually will be conducting a bit of research in order that I can quote and paraphrase their positions more accurately. Satire only works when what you're poking fun at contains a semblance of truth.

If any of you would like to take a run at an issue from the standpoint of the American Theocracy, drop me a note.

As with almost everything else on this blog, what I (or a guest columnist) will present merely is one person's opinion. Please don't take it as anything more than that. There will be times in which many of you may strongly agree with my stated points. However, just as often, you may think I've missed the mark entirely. Either perspective or a combination of the two comes with the territory.

While my approach will seem whimsical, humorous, melodramatic and/or oversimplified at times, my intent underlying this satire is serious: A theocratic America is to be resisted!

If you're interested in reading more from this tongue-in-cheek series, go to the The American Theocracy Index page.

The American Theocracy - Number Ten

You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant, or his maidservant, or his ox, or his ass, or anything that is your neighbor's.
~ Exodus 20:17, RSV ~

Application: Of all the 10 Commandments, this one is the hardest to legislate because, in many cases, our desires are internal. While the Bible teaches that committing a sin in the heart is just as bad as actually committing the sin itself, even in theocratic America, it will be more difficult to preempt bad behavior.

Consequently, I envision the new president setting up a theocratic program akin to Americorp VISTA. However, instead of recruiting Americans to work to rid our nation of poverty, discrimination, environmental degradation and the like, volunteers will serve as domestic spies to try to uncover instances of the beleaguered working class (now exceeding over 50% of the population) "coveting" the largess stolen by the wealthy elite.

Watch lists will be expanded greatly and, anyone who doesn't toe the fundamentalist Christian line, will be watched intently for ANY missteps. The worst part of this new ideology is that far too many people will unknowingly buy into it and everyone will be watching everyone else in order to report "suspicious behavior" to the proper authorities.

Exceptions: The most glaring exception to this new policy will be in terms of continued US military aggression. In almost every case, war is about coveting what someone else has. Yet, while our leaders will harangue us with the evils of desiring that which is not ours, it will be one the chief motivating factors as US military forces launch one invasion after another. Sadly, few Americans will notice the connection.

Of course, the other arena in which coveting will be a-ok is when corporate powers and the wealthy elite want something YOU have. If your home happens to be located in a place where they want to build or they've identified some resource in your possession, you're shit out of luck!

How can you defy them? It's all part of God's plan!

If you're interested in reading more from this tongue-in-cheek series, go to the The American Theocracy Index page.

The American Theocracy - Number Nine

You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
~ Exodus 20:16, RSV ~

Application: Currently, there are many forms of being untruthful that can land a person in legal doo-doo. The new American theocracy will strengthen most of the current laws and insure that the penalties are more stringent. As outlined previously, blasphemy will be added via federal legislation with severe punishments. In addition, new laws will be added against making scientific claims that contradict fundamentalist Christian belief as well for ANYONE who seeks to instruct or indoctrinate any person in a belief system not congruent with Evangelical Christianity!

Exceptions: Government and church leaders -- in time, it will be difficult to discern the difference -- will be immune from all such laws. They will be able to promise falsely anything under the sun in order to convince the American populace to part with what's left of their meager money, to get them to go along peaceably with the most draconian policies, and willingly to sign-up to go off to fight in and die for every imperialistic war that comes down the pike.

Major corporations will be allowed to continue to lie through their teeth via advertising. They may continue to tell you that their products are healthy and have been tested using the latest unbiased scientific techniques, even when a first grader knows this to be untrue.

The mainstream media will be allowed to sidestep these sorts of regulations as well. The American theocracy will support the mainstream media when they tell the viewing public that they are providing all the news there is to know -- particularly when authorities KNOW the media is barely scratching the surface!

In essence, what these sorts of laws will boil down to is this: We commoners will be held to very strict standards under threat of severe penalties; everybody else can lie at will!

If you're interested in reading more from this tongue-in-cheek series, go to the The American Theocracy Index page.

The American Theocracy - Number Eight

You shall not steal.
~ Exodus 20:15, RSV ~

Application: As it now stands, stealing is already against the law. So, the new American theocracy won't need to spend much time passing or updating current statutes, though they definitely will work to stiffen the penalties.

Exceptions: While the police, prosecutors and courts will continue to focus almost all of their self-righteous zeal on the crimes of commoners, corporate crime will continue and steadily increase unabated.

Now that religion and government are intertwined, the utilization of eminent domain will take on a perverse spin. The Church will be allowed to take whatever private property it deems "necessary" and the payment of "fair compensation" will become a farce. In fact, in most cases, religious authorities will try to convince property owners to forgo any compensation at all by reminding them that God favors those who are more willing to give than to receive!

Corporations will continue to receive various tax advantages, outright subsidies, no interest loans and taxpayer-funded bailouts. Following the current trend, they will continue to externalize the costs of business. In addition, massive tort reform will shield corporations from significant liability and punitive damages when they despoil the environment, jeopardize the health and safety of workers, and/or their products and services maim and kill members of the general public.

If you're interested in reading more from this tongue-in-cheek series, go to the The American Theocracy Index page.

The American Theocracy - Number Seven

You shall not commit adultery.
~ Exodus 20:14, RSV ~

Application: Laws would be passed to make adultery illegal and punishable by the theocratic court. Current laws on pornography (adultery in the heart) would be strengthened and, under this guise, the government would move to regulate the internet. Only permissible Christian-based websites and blogs would be allowed to continue operation. Stiffer penalties against common prostitutes would be included as well.

Exceptions: As mentioned previously, men convicted of adultery would be fined, but women (those temptresses of God-fearing men!) would be subject to the death penalty.

Church and government leaders would be exempt from punishment under the pornography laws because, well, they need a way to blow off steam after a day spent running the free world, for God's sake!!

While streetwalkers would be subject to heavy fines and long prison sentences, officials would look the other way when it came to high-class call girls -- you know, the ones they have liaisons with before heading home to embrace their "family values"?

In another interesting twist, a presidential Executive Order would be drawn up to shield all clergy from criminal and civil charges in relation to the sexual abuse of minors. Instead of punishing them for their misdeeds and "sins of the flesh," they merely would be transferred to a different church in another region. Hmm. Sort of like they do now!

If you're interested in reading more from this tongue-in-cheek series, go to the The American Theocracy Index page.

The American Theocracy - Number Six

You shall not kill.
~ Exodus 20:13, RSV ~

Application: Various laws will be updated or passed that make certain kinds of killing illegal (or, interestingly enough, legal). For example, if a husband has incontrovertible evidence that his wife has been unfaithful, he may either kill her himself or present her to the local government jurisdiction who will order her death by stoning. Homeowners will be granted the right to kill anyone who trespasses on their private property or molests them or their belongings in any way.

Exceptions: They are legion! For one thing, wives who have incontrovertible evidence that their husbands have been unfaithful will not be allowed to kill them. A wife must present her evidence to the local government jurisdiction, and, if the husband is found guilty, a fine will be levied.

While homeowners, in general, will be granted the right to defend their person and property with deadly force, in cases in which the homeowner is non-white and particularly when the decedent IS white, the incident automatically will be reviewed by the appropriate local court to decide if it was indeed justified. Woe to those who are found to have killed unjustifiably!

Law enforcement will be given blanket permission to utilize deadly force, whenever they alone deem it appropriate. Except in those cases in which an important person is killed, such events will not be subject to review.

Illegal immigrants coming from south of the border may be shot on sight at any time with no questions asked.

The death penalty -- state-sanctioned killing -- will be expanded as the preferred sentence for a long list of crimes, including such subversive activities as interracial marriage, anything that smells of homosexuality, utilizing a science-based argument against approved faith-based beliefs, etc.

Of course, the biggest exception will concern US military aggression. Since the US will only wage war at God's behest, anything goes as we invade one non-Christian nation after another.

If you're interested in reading more from this tongue-in-cheek series, go to the The American Theocracy Index page.

The American Theocracy - Number Five

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which the LORD your God gives you.
~ Exodus 20:12, RSV ~

Application: It will be mandated via Executive Order that ALL school curriculum will include instruction in the principles of honoring one's parents. This order will be extended to include the honoring of elected leaders because as Jesus is head of the Church and husbands are head of each household, the government will be viewed as surrogate parents for all citizens.

Exceptions: As part of the system of honoring parents, child protective services will be eliminated. Most child abuse laws will be stricken from the books because sparing the rod goes against the will of God. New statutes will be added that make it a crime to teach children about other religions and/or to not see to it that each child is enrolled in Sunday School.

While parents are to be honored, this dictate will not apply to single parents who are poor and non-white. Children will be given the right to petition the court to be removed from single parent households and placed into a family with a mother AND a father. Single mothers will be strongly encouraged to marry any "upstanding" man who proposes marriage.

If you're interested in reading more from this tongue-in-cheek series, go to the The American Theocracy Index page.

The American Theocracy - Number Four

Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
~ Exodus 20:8, RSV ~

Application: Americans will be strongly encouraged to make attendance at church the focal point of each Sunday. However, in an interesting twist, this encouragement will not be set down in law. Though not a legal mandate, most of the wealthy will treat it as such anyway.

Exceptions: While there will be some debate at reinstating "Blue Laws," the theocratic powers will decide that such laws would put too much of a damper on American capitalism. With most of the high wage jobs now overseas, consumer spending will play a much greater role in keeping the national economy solvent. The malls MUST REMAIN OPEN.

A second consideration against reinstating Blue Laws is that it would make it more difficult for the wealthy elite to keep their lawns mowed and landscaped (among other things). Since the average work week will have increased from 40 to 60 hours and all minimum wage laws have been rescinded by this point, working class individuals may only be available on the Sabbath for the kind of jobs that used to go to illegal Latino immigrants -- those who are now barred completely from entry into the country.

If you're interested in reading more from this tongue-in-cheek series, go to the The American Theocracy Index page.