Don't Worry, My Little Chickadees

Trey Smith

Don't you just love it when some government agency or official releases a statement that warns about a danger and then, after a few folks become alarmed, declares that there is nothing to worry about? If so and you happen to live in the Pacific Northwest, you will be tickled pink over this glorious news item.

Six underground storage tanks at the Hanford Nuclear Reservation along the Columbia River in Washington state were recently found to be leaking radioactive waste, but there is no immediate risk to human health, state and federal officials said on Friday.

The seeping waste adds to decades of soil contamination caused by leaking storage tanks at Hanford in the past and threatens to further taint groundwater below the site but poses no near-term danger of polluting the Columbia River, officials said.

Interestingly enough, area residents have been receiving reports of leakage for...decades! Every time, however, we're told that there is nothing to worry about. Yes, it is true that some of the most poisonous and lethal chemical compounds known to humankind are leaking into the soil and groundwater, but don't worry your pretty little heads about it. Keep shopping in area stores and PLEASE do not move away.

What I find interesting is that this gambit works time and again. A good majority of the people who live downstream from Hanford don't seem all that concerned. Oh sure, there are a few of those "wild-eyed environmental hippie types" who go bouncing off the walls each time they announce new leaks, but the majority who live in this most conservative area of the state simply yawn and continue reading their bibles.

Hmm. Maybe they are on to something. If the leaks make their way into the Columbia River and a giant plume of radioactive muck surges downstream towards the Tr-Cities area, they can throw their bibles in the water to make a holy dam to save everybody.

Oh yeah, I'm sure THAT will work!