Tuesday, November 5, 2013

In the Grip of Melancholy

Trey Smith

I've still got a lot of work to do, but I'm having a great deal of trouble in trying to motivate myself to do it! I just find myself in the grip of melancholy. While I have had the luxury of a countdown of months or weeks, I now find myself at a countdown numbered in days.

At the end of the coming weekend, I must move out the furnishings and other items from my computer room and bedroom. As I have noted before, I have kept these two rooms basically intact, so that I have places in this house I can retreat to for a sense of routine and normalcy. But that comes to an end on Sunday morning. I have reserved a U-Haul that I will pick up in Ocean Shores Sunday afternoon after I have returned Della and the dogs back to our new home.

It is at that point that this move away from our beloved house in South Bend will hit me front and center (though I'm already feeling it now). I will make the solitary drive back to a fairly empty house to load up the last vestiges of our belongings that we will keep. On Monday, I will drive to Ocean Shores in the rental truck and stay until Wednesday or Thursday morning.

At that juncture, I will make my final trip to our house in South Bend. I'm not sure how long I will stay. It all depends on how long it will take me to dispose of (donate to our two local thrift stores plus one or more trips to the dump) the items left over from this week's moving sale. I'll probably do a bit more cleaning and then that's it.

Before I lock the doors for the final time, I expect that I will have a long talk with this old house. It has been a good friend. I'm fairly sure I will bawl my eyes out. Knowing the way I am, I'll probably linger for quite a while, not wanting to let go. Just sitting there alone on the back steps of the deck or standing in an empty room.

At some point, I will realize that I must move forward. I'll lock the doors and drive away. I probably will be bawling then too -- I am not ashamed to admit it.

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