Sunday, October 13, 2013

This Is Even Harder Than I Thought

Trey Smith

I realized going into this situation -- of foreclosure and moving -- that it would be very hard on my psyche, but it is proving to be much harder than I thought. It can't be helped, though. Somebody has to do all this culling and cleaning -- Della's health precludes her from being that person. By default, that leaves me.

For the last two decades or so, it has always worked out this way. Each time we've moved, I've had the major responsibility for culling, packing, moving and cleaning. As our chief breadwinner, Della had to focus on work. Since even when I worked, my schedule has tended to be more flexible, these duties have fallen to me.

This time around, however, it is a heavy burden to shoulder. Unlike times in the past, we are going through a severe downsizing. In basic terms, this means that we will take to Ocean Shores about one-third of our current possessions. For the most part, it is left to me to decide which two-thirds of our possessions we will try to sell or donate.

Mind you, the letting go of "stuff" isn't as difficult as it used to be. As you get older, you realize that a lot of the stuff you've been carting around from move to move just isn't all that damn important...even for a person like me! So, if that isn't the problem, what is?

As an autistic individual who relishes having things in their proper places, I am slowly and methodically removing those proper places from the mix. It is not so much that the getting rid of specific items is what is weighing me down; it is more the fact that those specific items occupied a particular space and, when the items are moved to Ocean Shores, boxed up or thrown away, the spaces themselves change or disappear altogether. And so, I find myself living in a house that each day feels more and more foreign.

Despite the fact I have made a good deal of progress, there remains a lot to do. Culling and sorting stuff in the basement looks like a week-long project. Culling and sorting items in the rest of house will take an additional week or two. I'm guessing it will take 7 - 10 days to prepare, clean and mark items for our big moving sale and I haven't even begun the process of major cleaning (which I can't really start to tackle until the other aforementioned tasks are near completion).

I now realize it is wholly unrealistic that I will be done by my birthday (Oct. 25). In fact, it is not even realistic to think I can be done and out of here by November 1. My new goal is to be in Ocean Shores full-time by Thanksgiving Day. All the while, I am battling anxiety and depression as I slowly dismantle the spaces that have meant so much to me these past 6+ years.

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