Like Only Yesterday II

Trey Smith

The thing that spurred me to write today about a person's ability to recall the past was an article I read that referenced the "Helter Skelter" mass murders of 1969. Most of the killers remain behind bars in California and every few years they come up for parole hearings which, for the most part, routinely are denied. As most of them are in their mid to late 60s, I wonder how much they truly remember of those fateful nights.

Like most people who have made it past the half-century mark, I've had to deal with times of sorrow and trauma. While I can list off these seminal events, I only vaguely can recall them. In fact, in some cases, I simply remember that I experienced the event, but nothing particular about it. I certainly seem to have the inability, for the most part, to relive the pain and anguish (which isn't necessarily such a bad thing).

While I realize that I am different from most people in this regard, I also realize this difference is a matter of degree. Some people have superb recall, while for others it can be spotty. I think most people probably fall somewhere in between.

This brings me back to the parole hearings of the aforementioned murderers. I wonder how much detail these folks actually recall. Do they vividly recall each thrust of the knife or firing of the gun? Do they vividly recall their victims begging for their lives? Do they vividly recall the scenes filled with unspeakable blood, guts and gore? Or are their memories of those terrible events vague and blurry with the passage of time?

As each convict appears before the parole board, what could they possibly say to win their freedom? Simply to say, "I'm sorry," hasn't cut it -- If I was on one of these parole boards, I don't think a "I'm sorry for what I done" would sway me either! Do they claim that they believe that have been rehabilitated?

There's not a day goes by I don't feel regret. Not because I'm in here, or because you think I should. I look back on the way I was then: a young, stupid kid who committed that terrible crime. I want to talk to him. I want to try and talk some sense to him, tell him the way things are. But I can't. That kid's long gone and this old man is all that's left. I got to live with that. Rehabilitated? It's just a bullshit word. So you go on and stamp your form, sonny, and stop wasting my time. Because to tell you the truth, I don't give a shit.
~ spoken by character Ellis Boyd 'Red' Redding (Morgan Freeman) in the movie, The Shawshank Redemption ~