Oh Come On!

Trey Smith

William Wink insists that he was just trying to throw away a rotten orange to the squirrels from his balcony. However, when the orange landed a few feet from a construction worker, he looked up and saw Wink in his boxer shorts. Wink, 68, was arrested for aggravated assault with an orange.

Wink was a former school teacher and a former political candidate before he became a citrus felon. He insisted the orange was “squishy” and wanted to “give it to the birds and the squirrels. I just lobbed it over the edge.”

However, the police investigated and concluded “the orange was found not rotten but ripe.” Call it CSI Florida.

So let me try to recap. Wink threw an orange that did not hit anyone, but was charged as aggravated assault because it was only ripe but not rotten.

Here is the Florida criminal provision:

784.021 Aggravated assault.–
(1) An “aggravated assault” is an assault:
(a) With a deadly weapon without intent to kill; or
(b) With an intent to commit a felony.
(2) Whoever commits an aggravated assault shall be guilty of a felony of the third degree, punishable as provided in s. 775.082, s. 775.083, or s. 775.084.

Since an orange is not a deadly weapon to anything other than a cold, there must be an intent to commit a felony, but what is the felony? If the felony is battery with an orange, it becomes rather circular. I suppose if his boxers were Fruit of the Loom, he might be charged with terroristic threats of additional citrus attacks.
~ from Orange You Glad I Missed? Florida Man Arrested For Aggravated Assault With Orange by Jonathan Turley ~

In one sense, this just seems downright goofy. It's the kind of "news story" that we can all laugh about and make fun of. On the other hand, it is very disquieting. Our police state is getting to the point in which, if you look at someone sideways, you're liable to be arrested for some offense.

And here's something to think about. Owing to a recent US Supreme Court decision, once taken into custody, Wink legally could have been strip searched...for throwing an orange over his balcony to birds and squirrels.

Still think that ruling is benign?