I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). So does my brother and we both suspect our father does too. It strikes me as odd that the three males in my family would have the same disorder. It makes me wonder if there might a genetic predisposition toward it.
In and of itself, OCD can be viewed as neutral. While there's no question that it tends to drive other people crazy -- just ask my wife -- it can manifest itself in both positive and not so positive ways.
On the positive side of the ledger, it has aided me in jobs which involved investigative or research work. Where other people might get frustrated at hitting one dead end after another, I would keep dogging away until I found what I was looking for.
On the negative side of the ledger, I often find it near impossible to let go. I have been known to go for long periods without eating or sleeping as I obsessively focus on a particular subject.
To offer a current example, in a post from yesterday, a reader, Cym, posted a comment that included a Wikipedia link to an episode of the old Twilight Zone TV series. I liked that show and since following the link provided, I have spent the vast majority of the past 15 hours reading the synopses of ALL 156 episodes.
There's no earth-shattering point to this post other than to provide an illustration of how OCD impacts those of us who suffer from it. I would write more, but I have more links to follow! ;-)
In and of itself, OCD can be viewed as neutral. While there's no question that it tends to drive other people crazy -- just ask my wife -- it can manifest itself in both positive and not so positive ways.
On the positive side of the ledger, it has aided me in jobs which involved investigative or research work. Where other people might get frustrated at hitting one dead end after another, I would keep dogging away until I found what I was looking for.
On the negative side of the ledger, I often find it near impossible to let go. I have been known to go for long periods without eating or sleeping as I obsessively focus on a particular subject.
To offer a current example, in a post from yesterday, a reader, Cym, posted a comment that included a Wikipedia link to an episode of the old Twilight Zone TV series. I liked that show and since following the link provided, I have spent the vast majority of the past 15 hours reading the synopses of ALL 156 episodes.
There's no earth-shattering point to this post other than to provide an illustration of how OCD impacts those of us who suffer from it. I would write more, but I have more links to follow! ;-)
Well now that you've read the synopses of ALL 156 episodes, I suppose the next logical step would be to watch all 156 episodes. I'm sure you can find some of them online, or else wait for the next Twilight Zone marathon on the science fiction channel.
ReplyDeletePerhaps I have some of the symptoms of OCD too, but unless you felt you were being forced against your will, or acting out of compulsion, rather than genuine interest, I honestly don't see anything unhealthy about what you did. Otherwise, at least for educational matters, I don't think that being overly inquisitive and diligent about researching whatever interests you, even if it is to the point of it seeming obsessive to others, should ever be considered a disorder. I'd like to think it's only a disorder if it's causing harm to you or others.
Also, I would venture to say that were it not for your OCD, this blog in all likelihood would not exist. So perhaps it's a good thing after all?
I guess the question here comes down to differentiating between irrational compulsions (doing something that you neither want to do or have to do and not knowing why you do it) and genuine interests pursued to the fullest extent. If the Twilight Zone series interests you, there is nothing irrational (something meeting the criteria for being a mental disorder) about learning all about each and every episode ever made.
ReplyDeleteThe next question would be to differentiate between obsession and diligence. Are all obsessions unhealthy? Is there such a thing as a healthy obsession? And if not, at what point does an obsession diverge from diligence, becoming a full fledged disorder?
I'll tell you a true story. The first time I watched the movie Titanic (the one with DiCaprio & Winslet) it struck a cord with me. I couldn't get it out of my head.
ReplyDeleteSo, I bought the dvd and proceeded to watch it for 56 consecutive days (sometimes several times each day)!! I wasn't getting adequate sleep and I wasn't eating a lot either. My wife says I bounced between melancholy and irritability during this time.
Why did I watch it over and over and over again for nearly 2 months? I felt compelled to do so and the compulsion became obsessive.
After a while, I actually wanted to move on to something else, but each time I tried to pull away, something pulled me back. I felt rather helpless.
Now, I can't seem to get the Twilight Zone out of my head. Besides reading about all the episodes, I've watched several online. I've done research on Rod Serling. I've spent hours upon hours upon hours following various links here and there.
I'm tired. I need and want to go to bed, but I'm still groggy-eyed in front of the computer.
Is that a full-fledged disorder?
Yeah I hate to say it, but based on what you just described I would call that a disorder.
ReplyDeleteIf you are no longer the master of your will, compelled to do things that you really don't want to do, need to do, and know not why you do them, I would say that's a problem.
Wish I had a solution for you.
How about meditation? Getting away from the computer and going outside, meditating on the sights and sounds of nature?
I think that it's primarily through the electronic medium, television, computers and the internet, that obsessive compulsive disorder is really given free range and allowed to grow exponentially like an out of control weed sucking away the life of a vibrant vegetable garden.
I wonder if your obessive compulsiveness becomes worse the more time you spend indoors? For instance, when you used to work outdoors as a forest fire fireman (I forget the exact title) were you less obsessive compulsive?
When was the last time you went camping, or hiking off the beaten track in a sparsely populated area? Does your OCD find an outlet when you are deep in the heart of the wilderness? Or does it become less of an issue away from the modern conveniences of civilization?
Obviously I'm not a mental health doctor, nor do I have a formal education in psychology, so these are just my speculations, and perhaps nothing more than that.
But I wonder if this is a new development, or has it gotten worse in recent years, or has it been pretty much the same all your life? If it is something you must live with, I would try to embrace the positives, try to channel your OCD toward more constructive research projects (this blog for instance, Green Party activities, and other writing projects) if at all possible.
My mental health counselor has suggested that I try to divert my attention. It works, but only briefly because, try as I might, the obsessive thoughts keep dominating my mind.
ReplyDeleteOne activity I try to engage in is gardening. (Camping and hiking are out due to my physical limitations.) I try to immerse myself in the plants, but the recurrent thoughts eventually win out.
It's weird, but I guess I've decided to surrender to it. I've spent my whole life fighting it which created its own untold stress and suffering. The more I fought it, the more miserable I was.
I am on disability and I don't work. I don't have too many places to go each week. By choice, I don't socialize much. So, I just kind of go with the flow and hope the flow doesn't last as long as usual. ;-)