This blog has been up and running for over 6 years and, in all that time, I haven't shared much about my diagnosis of Schizotypal Personality Disorder. So, it begs the question: Why now? I don't have a definitive answer for you. The best I can come up with is: Why not now?
I suppose a better answer I can offer is twofold. First, I've been feeling out-of-sorts lately. It is not that my symptomatology is any worse today than it was previously -- no big issues with voices or seeings things not there in the last few days -- I simply go through periods in which I feel more out of kilter than usual. It is hard to explain.
The second reason relates to much of the personal information I share in this space. I tell you about my maladies and experiences as a way of telling others who find themselves in similar circumstances that they are not alone. When a person suffers from autism or a form of schizophrenia, it can often seem as if no one else in the world could fathom what any specific individual is going through. You feel completely estranged from the world around you.
So, this blog, in part, represents my meager attempt to say, "You are not alone."
I also wanted to share some of information on one of the major differences between full-blown schizophrenia and Schizotypal Personality Disorder (SPD). In the former, a person can lose touch with reality and they are completely unaware of it. You can try to dissuade them from their delusions with facts or logic, but they cling to their delusions, nonetheless.
Like a schizophrenic, the person with SPD shares much of the same symptomatology. One of the big differences, however, is that you do NOT lose touch with reality. You understand that your delusions are, in fact, delusional, but they still bedevil you anyway. While I sometimes worry that I might be completely schizophrenic, I have yet to lose touch with the so-called "real world," so my SPD diagnosis most likely is on target.
I do wonder, however, if understanding that one's delusions ARE delusions is a recipe for Anxiety Disorder, a common comorbidity for SPD. I sometimes think it would be better if I simply could disappear into my own fantasy world.
Think about this for a second. The completely delusional person doesn't KNOW that they are delusional, so they don't need to go through the anxiety of trying to straddle two worlds. It is precisely BECAUSE I straddle these two worlds that anxiety is produced because these worlds tend to be at great odds.
Of course, the positive of understanding that my delusions are delusions is that I can write on this blog and, sometimes, even make a modicum of sense!! :-D
I suppose a better answer I can offer is twofold. First, I've been feeling out-of-sorts lately. It is not that my symptomatology is any worse today than it was previously -- no big issues with voices or seeings things not there in the last few days -- I simply go through periods in which I feel more out of kilter than usual. It is hard to explain.
The second reason relates to much of the personal information I share in this space. I tell you about my maladies and experiences as a way of telling others who find themselves in similar circumstances that they are not alone. When a person suffers from autism or a form of schizophrenia, it can often seem as if no one else in the world could fathom what any specific individual is going through. You feel completely estranged from the world around you.
So, this blog, in part, represents my meager attempt to say, "You are not alone."
I also wanted to share some of information on one of the major differences between full-blown schizophrenia and Schizotypal Personality Disorder (SPD). In the former, a person can lose touch with reality and they are completely unaware of it. You can try to dissuade them from their delusions with facts or logic, but they cling to their delusions, nonetheless.
Like a schizophrenic, the person with SPD shares much of the same symptomatology. One of the big differences, however, is that you do NOT lose touch with reality. You understand that your delusions are, in fact, delusional, but they still bedevil you anyway. While I sometimes worry that I might be completely schizophrenic, I have yet to lose touch with the so-called "real world," so my SPD diagnosis most likely is on target.
I do wonder, however, if understanding that one's delusions ARE delusions is a recipe for Anxiety Disorder, a common comorbidity for SPD. I sometimes think it would be better if I simply could disappear into my own fantasy world.
Think about this for a second. The completely delusional person doesn't KNOW that they are delusional, so they don't need to go through the anxiety of trying to straddle two worlds. It is precisely BECAUSE I straddle these two worlds that anxiety is produced because these worlds tend to be at great odds.
Of course, the positive of understanding that my delusions are delusions is that I can write on this blog and, sometimes, even make a modicum of sense!! :-D
I find your blog very informative and I learn a lot from you about your physical and mental challenges.
ReplyDelete... Zoe ~