Friday, January 13, 2012

A Box of Egos: An Update

Scott Bradley

A delegation of international scientists has recently presented a petition to the US State Department insisting that the recently discovered box of disembodied egos found abandoned at a New York City bus stop be broken up and distributed around the world for study by all interested nations. A spokesperson for State has replied that, since the box was found in the US, the egos in question are American egos and should thus remain in America. She did, however, suggest that representative scientists of other nations will be given access to the egos on American soil.

One scientist already studying the egos commented: "It would be a travesty to separate these egos from each other since a great deal of what we hope to learn about them involves their interaction with one another. Of particular interest is the apparent attraction of egos for other egos while simultaneously negating them. It seems they need each other for the very purpose of negating each other. In fact, their continued existence as disembodied egos seems contingent on this negation. It is very similar to electro-magnetism where there can be no positive charge without a corresponding negative charge."

Another scientist admitted that one ego has already apparently been 'lost' when it was removed from the box in the hope of studying it in isolation. However, he was quick to assure this reporter that, though 'lost', there is no reason to believe it has escaped into the open environment. "We believe that its disappearance is indicative of extinction," he said, "though, since it is already disembodied, there is no trace left behind with which to confirm this."

Despite such reassurances, there is already a growing movement calling for the immediate destruction of the egos, though no one seems to know how this might be accomplished.

When asked about their position, Right To Life advocates admitted to being unsure and said the issue was under study. "Though we are sure that human life begins with a fertilized egg and should be revered" said one, "we are not sure this reverence should continue after birth. If it can be demonstrated that these egos have committed some crime or are anti-American, we could gladly applaud their execution."

Meanwhile, the ACLU and other human rights advocacy groups have begun a Free the Egos movement which we hope to cover in a future post.

You can check out Scott's other miscellaneous writings here.

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