I've always been perversely proud of the fact that I have never been intoxicated nor stoned. I realize that, owing to my generation, it's a weird thing to be proud of, but I am nonetheless. Most any alcoholic has probably consumed in one three-day weekend more alcohol than I've consumed in a lifetime spanning 51+ years. I've never tried pot or any illegal drug, for that matter.
Not only have I shied away from the common substances that evoke euphoria, I'm equally reticent about utilizing prescription medications that illicit the same effect. I have to be in severe pain before I will avail myself of substances generally as benign as aspirin or ibuprofen.
I was in severe pain when I arrived at the hospital this morning and it grew worse as the initial interview progressed. So, when they offered a high-powered painkiller, this needle-phobic man said, "Stick me. Please, stick me."
Within about 30 minutes, the knifing pain in my right abdominal quadrant began to subside. Not only that, but I became very lightheaded and, for all intent and purposes, drunk. When I first tried to stand up, I almost fell over. People (who are these people?) were asking me questions and I kept loosing (see what I mean? That should be losing) my train of thought after no more than a word two. I felt as if all of us were clouds and we kept floating by each other.
These effects and more have lasted for the better part of a day. It seems that the drug, in combination with sleep deprivation, are taking a bit of a toll on my ability to concentrate. (I'm having trouble typing this entry as I keep hitting the wrong keys!)
If the pain returns, I brought home a prescription for Vicodin which, I'm told, has effects similar to morphine. It's said that Vocodin can lead to addiction and dependency, but I'm not worried about this at all in my case.
Why? Because I detest this clouded feeling!! One of the nurses this morning told me that these kinds of painkillers render a person into state near drunkenness. All this causes me to wonder is why any sane person would voluntarily choose to be in such a state.
For me, this is completely different than deep meditation. In that kind of state, I'm more fully aware. I come out of it feeling alive and refreshed. Coming down off of one these painkillers is totally different. I feel stupefied and clunky.
I think this will end my ramblings for this day. I'm ready to collapse into slumber land.
Not only have I shied away from the common substances that evoke euphoria, I'm equally reticent about utilizing prescription medications that illicit the same effect. I have to be in severe pain before I will avail myself of substances generally as benign as aspirin or ibuprofen.
I was in severe pain when I arrived at the hospital this morning and it grew worse as the initial interview progressed. So, when they offered a high-powered painkiller, this needle-phobic man said, "Stick me. Please, stick me."
Within about 30 minutes, the knifing pain in my right abdominal quadrant began to subside. Not only that, but I became very lightheaded and, for all intent and purposes, drunk. When I first tried to stand up, I almost fell over. People (who are these people?) were asking me questions and I kept loosing (see what I mean? That should be losing) my train of thought after no more than a word two. I felt as if all of us were clouds and we kept floating by each other.
These effects and more have lasted for the better part of a day. It seems that the drug, in combination with sleep deprivation, are taking a bit of a toll on my ability to concentrate. (I'm having trouble typing this entry as I keep hitting the wrong keys!)
If the pain returns, I brought home a prescription for Vicodin which, I'm told, has effects similar to morphine. It's said that Vocodin can lead to addiction and dependency, but I'm not worried about this at all in my case.
Why? Because I detest this clouded feeling!! One of the nurses this morning told me that these kinds of painkillers render a person into state near drunkenness. All this causes me to wonder is why any sane person would voluntarily choose to be in such a state.
For me, this is completely different than deep meditation. In that kind of state, I'm more fully aware. I come out of it feeling alive and refreshed. Coming down off of one these painkillers is totally different. I feel stupefied and clunky.
I think this will end my ramblings for this day. I'm ready to collapse into slumber land.
The state which you are so disoriented by is the normal state for many, many people.
ReplyDeleteBe stupefied at the scale of the problem faced by any unclouded mind:
It is abnormal not to be under the influence of something or other...
They don't know that the highest of highs can be achieved by nothing more than breathing :)
Vicodin won't make you clouded. You just won't care that you are in pain, in fact, you'll barely notice. But if it still hurts, your reaction kind of goes to, "wow, that's interesting!" instead of "ow, the pain". I joke that you could just cut off your finger on vicodin and barely notice it.
ReplyDeleteAnd that typing thing, well, I'm like that all the time, can't type for shit. I deliberately didn't learn in the 70s, since then learning typing if you were a girl meant you were planning to be a secretary or something. So I still can't type. Can't text either.
Also why I HATE captchas...
In the mid eighty's, I hurt my back big time. Seeing what "medicine" had to many that I had grown up with in the 60's stiffled my willingness to take anything.
ReplyDeleteAfter months of excruciating pain, I had surgery to fix the problem. The Doctors gave me morphine with a magic botton that I could push every 15 minutes. 11 seconds, 10,9,8...1, push. The stuff they gave me to take home was great.
It is probably a good thing that I had such a fear of adiction. Damn, I liked that stuff.
Even today, I think about all of the pain I had lived through and how "stupid" I was for refusing the meds.