Monday, February 4, 2013

The Surprise Party

Trey Smith


We have a problem in this nation with the two so-called major political parties. Every four years they craft elaborate platforms that their elected candidates tend to ignore or outright thumb their noses at. Their political candidates spend an inordinate amount of time on the campaign trail making all sorts of promises and pledges, yet, if elected, they immediately suffer from acute amnesia or try to convince the public that they never made any pledges or promises to begin with -- this is true even when those words were videotaped or recorded.

I think it's about time that we founded a new political party, one that can outplay the Republicrats at their own game. So, let me be the first to introduce you to (drum roll, please) the Surprise Party (?P).

Personally, I think the ?P will attract a lot of candidates. The ?P has no political platform, no political principles and their candidates are forbidden to make any promises or pledges. To sign on, a candidate can be conservative, middle of the road or a flaming liberal. Gender doesn't matter nor does race or ethnicity. Religious preference or lack thereof doesn't matter either. When it comes to the crucial issues of the day, you can fall on either side of the divide. You can be well respected by your peers or considered an absolute crackpot.

Out on the campaign trail, all you have to do is smile, shake a lot of hands and kiss a slew of babies. When reporters, pundits or average citizens ask you questions as to how you plan to govern, all you have to say is "Elect me and then you'll see." If pressed further, all you need to do is offer a devilish smirk, a shrug of your shoulders and you can fire back, "I don't want to spoil the surprise."

Once elected, you'll be like almost every other elected official. Every speech you make or vote you cast will be a bona fide surprise. However, unlike the Republicrats, you can brag that you didn't go back on a campaign promise or pledge. How could you? You're a proud member of the Surprise Party!

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