Christian Post Review (Nob Hollow, TN) -- In a sermon last Sunday at the Holy Redeemer Pentecostal Evangelical Church of Our Blessed Lord and Savior, Rev. Howard Bupkiss, President of the Organization of Mindless Godfearers (OMG), urged parishioners to heed the call of church leaders to quit thinking.
"Those secularists want you to believe that God gave you a brain to think with," railed Bupkiss, "but that couldn't be further from the truth." He declared that brains are the work of Satan and the best way for true believers to prove their devotion to God, the Heavenly Father, is to refuse to use them.
Bupkiss cited a recent article in Scientific American that clearly shows that analytic thinking can undermine a person's religious beliefs. "If you ever hope to punch your ticket for heaven," Bupkiss stated, "then you need to bid your rational faculties goodbye."
His speech was adjudged to be a rousing success as church members silently were herded out of the sanctuary to enjoy a banquet of tasteless gruel served in a large pig trough.
When asked what he thought of the day's message, Head Deacon Earl Dimwittie merely shrugged. "I don't know what I should think," he smiled, "but I guess I don't have to now."