An Impressionable Mind

Trey Smith

Note: In the effort to provide full disclosure, this post deals with some adult themes, so cover the eyes of your children!

The other day at my friend Paul's store some of the young men of town came in to shoot the breeze. As is not unusual for guys of this age group, the topic quickly turned to s-e-x. After a litany of raunchy comments -- were they trying to embarrass the old geezers? -- one of them asked the two old guys (that's me 'n Paul, for those of you keeping score at home) if we each could remember our first sexual encounter with a member of the fairer sex.

For all his bravado, Paul really is a shy fellow. He hemmed and hawed, never really answering their question. So, they turned their attention to me. While I have a great deal of trouble remembering what I did an hour ago, I very clearly remember the particulars of the encounter in question and the reason I remember those particulars is because, in retrospect, it was damn comical.

To understand the moment I lost my virginity on Prom Night, we must go back several years. My mother, being a new age sort of parent, gave me a certain book when I was 12 years old. This book was about intimate relationships. To this day, I remember the manner in which the act of sexual intercourse was described: The man's penis fits into the woman's vagina like a key in a lock!

Of course, anyone who has ever made love knows that this is a very general description. There is a lot more to it than that. But to a young autistic lad such as myself, this became an image frozen in my mind. I took everything I read in that book quite literally and treated it as if it provided a step-by-step blueprint.

With these images seared into my mind, let's return to Prom Night. As is not unusual in situations of this sort, my girlfriend and I engaged in some serious necking and petting after the big dance. One thing led to another and, before we knew it, we were poised to take that big step between adolescence and adulthood.

Without getting too graphic, let's just say that I put the key in the lock. I thought to myself, "Is this all there is to it?" It didn't seem all that sensual to me. I couldn't understand why this rather perfunctory act was the subject of books, movies and the fantasies of almost every teenager I knew!

My more experienced girlfriend broke through my internal discussion by asking me, "Are we going to get on with it?" It was at that moment that I realized maybe there is more to this than I realized. Following her gentle guidance, I came to understand there indeed was A LOT MORE TO IT and this "a lot more" felt good!!

I share this story with you as an example of how one autistic mind works. I take things very literally. When others provide generalized instructions as to how to get somewhere or do something, I take the instruction as preciseness or exactness. I follow what they say to a tee and, because of this, I often end up in the wrong place or I mess up the activity I'm trying to preform.

Throughout my life people have suggested that I should make the conscious effort not to take things so literally. That may sound easy to do, but it's not. For one thing, the way I understand information is based on unconscious protocols; even when I try to not be so literal, my mind often organizes information in that manner anyhow.

For another, it often lands me in even worse predicaments. It seems that those few times when I decide not to take instructions literally, the person providing them was, in fact, BEING literal. So, I end up more lost or out-of-step than I usually would be otherwise.

These days I tell people pointblank that they must identify FOR ME when they are being literal as opposed to when they are generalizing. I let them know that, due to my autistic brain, I am unable to discern the difference on my own.