Over at On Leaving Fundamentalist Christianity, Lorena wrote today on one of those topics that a lot of people wish to avoid like the plague: our own mortality!
However, I have completely scrapped this project. As I wrote in the comments to Lorena's post:
Besides, if I left detailed instructions and they screwed it up royally or somehow messed up my preferred sequence, what recourse would I have?
I have reached that time of life when people have started dying around me. Those leaving me have been, so far, elderly folks whom I knew and loved. In the last 10 weeks, I actually attended the funerals of a married couple. She went first. He didn’t stay much longer.Like most people, I too have considered what I would like for a funeral or memorial service once my heart has recorded its last beat. When I was far younger and sort of religiously-inclined, I picked out a few particular hymns and a few spiritually-based readings that I felt would be appropriate. Later in life, I scratched the hymns for more contemporary music and thought about a few verses from the Tao Te Ching and Zhuangzi.
Every time I attend a funeral, I consider my own. Needless to say, it will happen–perhaps soon, perhaps not. But when it happens, a service of some sort may be held, and of course, I don’t want it to be a Christian one...
However, I have completely scrapped this project. As I wrote in the comments to Lorena's post:
Funerals aren’t for the dead, they’re for the living. Who am I (dead as I will be) to say how someone else should grieve? Who am I to say that a living person shouldn’t view it from whatever religious or spiritual aspect speaks to them?...I’ve even given up on the idea of leaving instructions as to where the living me would prefer the ashes of the dead me to be scattered. What difference would that make? Everything is going to end up in the same place eventually, right? So what difference would it make to be scattered “here” as opposed to “there”?The more I've thought about this overall topic, the more I've decided not to prepare any type of instructions for the events beyond my own demise. It makes far more sense to me to allow my wife and/or other loved ones to structure a funeral or remembrance service in the manner that best helps them cope with the situation.
Besides, if I left detailed instructions and they screwed it up royally or somehow messed up my preferred sequence, what recourse would I have?
I once made a list of personal funeral music for myself...(Island Goodbye/Gordon Lightfoot, Start Me Up/Mick Jagger/ and the second movement of Beethoven's 7th)....most of which would annoy the mourners. I play the list for myself from time to time and think, "Wow, here I am, enjoying my own funeral."
ReplyDeleteThen there's the wonderful Akbar and Jeff cartoon where Akbar (or was it Jeff) was telling Jeff (or was it Akbar) about funeral plans he had drawn up.
The punch line was, "Oh, these aren't for my funeral, they're for yours."
There are places where I would prefer to have my ashes scattered over others. Wudangshan seems preferable to Yucca Mountain. But since I live in Hawaii, the ocean is more available and appropriate anyway.
This is a good point. I used to have instructions for my funeral as well, but maybe you're right. It's kind of silly to care, at that point.
ReplyDeleteI do like the idea of scattering my ashes somewhere natural, or at least putting them in the ground with a new tree, though.