So often, when we learn that a loved one, friend or acquaintance has committed suicide, we are initially dumbfounded. Some of the time, after the shock wears off, we end up not being that surprised at all. We knew of the internal demons (perceived or otherwise) the person fought against and we realize that suicide was an inevitable conclusion.
By and large, however, many of us had nary a clue. Bill or Cindy always seemed so outgoing and upbeat, we think to ourselves. Uncle Tom or cousin Bess seemed so full of life. It's at times like these that we begin to wonder if we were too self-absorbed to notice the obvious clues. How could I not have sensed this?
It's one thing when the deceased is someone we know personally; it's quite another when the decedent happens to be a celebrity or newsmaker. We like to delude ourselves into thinking we know someone intimately simply because we watch them regularly on the TV or in the movies and/or we listen to their music. Because their persona or performance impacts our emotions -- we feel a "connection" -- we like to believe we KNOW the person behind the public facade.
For me, this is the prime reason so many fans (like moi) of Storm Chasers on the Discovery Channel have felt blindsided by the death of TIV meteorologist Matt Hughes. The Matt we saw on our TV screens each week looked like a decent guy with a quick smile and a warm personality. He didn't appear to fit the stereotypical image of a person who battled with depression.
What did Matt have to be torn up about anyway? He was an up and coming star on a widely popular cable reality show. He had a successful career, a wife and two young sons. His future looked bright.
But stereotypes hide the pain that all of us deal with. Television, in particular, presents people as one-dimensional caricatures of themselves. Each of us is a complex organism with many dimensions. What we allow others to see is but a pale facsimile of want transpires in the depths of our being.
Matt Hughes, like so many others, was far more than his public image. It's rather obvious that he suffered a pain that he no longer felt he could bear. Despite his seeming success, it must not have been enough to compensate for the sorrow in his heart. Since none of us can truly know what crosses or demons any other person must shoulder, I cannot judge him. I can only hope that his act of desperation brought him peace.
When it comes to the lives AND deaths of others, we err grievously when we think we know.
Related posts: To End It All, Suicide and Who Was Matt Hughes?
By and large, however, many of us had nary a clue. Bill or Cindy always seemed so outgoing and upbeat, we think to ourselves. Uncle Tom or cousin Bess seemed so full of life. It's at times like these that we begin to wonder if we were too self-absorbed to notice the obvious clues. How could I not have sensed this?
It's one thing when the deceased is someone we know personally; it's quite another when the decedent happens to be a celebrity or newsmaker. We like to delude ourselves into thinking we know someone intimately simply because we watch them regularly on the TV or in the movies and/or we listen to their music. Because their persona or performance impacts our emotions -- we feel a "connection" -- we like to believe we KNOW the person behind the public facade.
For me, this is the prime reason so many fans (like moi) of Storm Chasers on the Discovery Channel have felt blindsided by the death of TIV meteorologist Matt Hughes. The Matt we saw on our TV screens each week looked like a decent guy with a quick smile and a warm personality. He didn't appear to fit the stereotypical image of a person who battled with depression.
What did Matt have to be torn up about anyway? He was an up and coming star on a widely popular cable reality show. He had a successful career, a wife and two young sons. His future looked bright.
But stereotypes hide the pain that all of us deal with. Television, in particular, presents people as one-dimensional caricatures of themselves. Each of us is a complex organism with many dimensions. What we allow others to see is but a pale facsimile of want transpires in the depths of our being.
Matt Hughes, like so many others, was far more than his public image. It's rather obvious that he suffered a pain that he no longer felt he could bear. Despite his seeming success, it must not have been enough to compensate for the sorrow in his heart. Since none of us can truly know what crosses or demons any other person must shoulder, I cannot judge him. I can only hope that his act of desperation brought him peace.
When it comes to the lives AND deaths of others, we err grievously when we think we know.
Related posts: To End It All, Suicide and Who Was Matt Hughes?
how true. also, it gets my goat when people call suicide a "selfish act." after all, if they expected a person in deep psychological pain to stick around just for a living person, i would call the living person selfish.
ReplyDeleteGood point. I never looked at it that way before.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Iktomi, the selfish act is of the living person being angry at the very sad person who just couldn't hold on any longer. And most of the time, that living person will gripe about "why didn't 'they' just say something.. instead of being so dramatic?" Well depressed people are always trying to NOT to bring attention to themselves because heartless people, and others have coined the phrase... 'laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and cry alone' Not to mention.. the sentence... "No one wants to be around a depressed person"
ReplyDeleteWell Duh! I got news for you, a depressed person is the one who wants not to be depressed, more so than the unlucky person who has to listen to the depression for 5 minutes and then go on with their happy life! That depressed person is exhausted. Acting like everything is ok. Reaching for answers, while inside their heart, head and soul they are drowning in tears.!!
Getting on a rant here. I am a loving person, who has been depressed.. had to hide it.. but know this. I have sat and listen to some very sad stories for hours.. and those people are still here today... because I sat around and listened to sad stories for hours.!
Damn I miss Matt. I didn't know him, but I know how he felt. I am sad because he was so sad.
Laura