I'd like to thank you all for coming. I'm here today to announce that -- after my recent scandal involving a forklift, a case of oreo cookies and Zhuangzi's great, great, great, great, great, great, great granddaughter (she really was GREAT) -- I'm forming a completely new Taoist sect called The Newer Than the Previous New Life Philosophical Taoist Enclave. This new enclave will be open to ALL people, even those dastardly Nabisco folks who took away my oreos.
My dear wife is standing beside me in this effort. See. She's right over there...Hey, where did she go? (Dear, this isn't helping matters! I thought we had this all worked out last night!)
To prove that I'm not the conniving megalomaniac that the media and my former enclave members would have you believe, I'm starting small this time around. We're holding "meetings" in the basement of my small, quaint 17,000 square foot home in a gated community. We won't even think of erecting an enclave sanctuary until I candupe motivate sell convince enough people to pass onto me the enclave their life's savings. Of course, anyone can send me bucket loads of money by going to my brand new website, Im_a_filthy_bastard.com.
To learn more, check out the coverage of "this" press conference at USA Today.
My dear wife is standing beside me in this effort. See. She's right over there...Hey, where did she go? (Dear, this isn't helping matters! I thought we had this all worked out last night!)
To prove that I'm not the conniving megalomaniac that the media and my former enclave members would have you believe, I'm starting small this time around. We're holding "meetings" in the basement of my small, quaint 17,000 square foot home in a gated community. We won't even think of erecting an enclave sanctuary until I can
To learn more, check out the coverage of "this" press conference at USA Today.
Well I certainly hope you will be holding people's hands.
ReplyDeleteI want to join. :)
ReplyDeleteThat way I can be a charter member and be first in line for a "leadership" position