from Verse One Hundred Seventy-TwoWhat eliminates inherent virtue is self-consciousness; what shrinks essential nature is cutting off its living creativity. If people are complete, they make certain of the meanings of death and life, and comprehend the patterns of glory and ignominy. Even if the whole world praises them, that does not give them added encouragement; and even if the whole world repudiates them, that does not inhibit them. They have attained the key of the ultimate Way.~ Wen-tzu: Understanding the Mysteries ~
Regardless of one's age, we each have moments when we're overly self-conscious. We feel like everyone in the world is watching our every move and they are saying to themselves, "What a blockhead!"
I can remember countless times throughout my life when I have been acutely self-conscious, but, like most people I know, the worst of it came during early adolescence. I wanted to fit in so badly and yet, due to my social awkwardness, I never had a chance to be part of the "in crowd" or, for that matter, ANY crowd!
I would measure my thoughts, deeds and actions by the external mores of my classmates. I tried to dress, talk and be like them. I could never pull it off successfully because it went against my internal nature. So, a rather awkward kid made sure he was even more awkward and the internal pressure I applied to my every movement made me more painfully aware how out of step I was with my contemporaries.
I remained a social outcast until my senior year of high school. It was at that point that I said, "Screw it" and, instead of trying to be something I am not, I decided to be myself: weirdness, warts and all. When I quit trying to put on airs, I became more authentic and people began to respond positively to the real me. I never made it into the chic social circles, but I was accepted by all groups as a rather unique and funny fellow.
For me, this is the point that Lao Tzu is driving at in the passage above.
This post is part of a series. For an introduction, go here.
I can remember countless times throughout my life when I have been acutely self-conscious, but, like most people I know, the worst of it came during early adolescence. I wanted to fit in so badly and yet, due to my social awkwardness, I never had a chance to be part of the "in crowd" or, for that matter, ANY crowd!
I would measure my thoughts, deeds and actions by the external mores of my classmates. I tried to dress, talk and be like them. I could never pull it off successfully because it went against my internal nature. So, a rather awkward kid made sure he was even more awkward and the internal pressure I applied to my every movement made me more painfully aware how out of step I was with my contemporaries.
I remained a social outcast until my senior year of high school. It was at that point that I said, "Screw it" and, instead of trying to be something I am not, I decided to be myself: weirdness, warts and all. When I quit trying to put on airs, I became more authentic and people began to respond positively to the real me. I never made it into the chic social circles, but I was accepted by all groups as a rather unique and funny fellow.
For me, this is the point that Lao Tzu is driving at in the passage above.
This post is part of a series. For an introduction, go here.
Even if the whole world praises them, that does not give them added encouragement; and even if the whole world repudiates them, that does not inhibit them.
ReplyDeleteWouldn't I wish to attain that blissful state!
I remained a social outcast until my senior year of high school. It was at that point that I said, "Screw it" and, instead of trying to be something I am not, I decided to be myself:
I was thinking yesterday that I am feeling like that for, perhaps, the first time ever--at 46.
In my worldview, hell is that state of preoccupation with others' opinion that I've lived in for most of my life. It really sucks.
And what I said above is highly relevant to job searching. Why am I so afraid of walking into an office and asking to talk with the boss?
ReplyDeleteBecause it feels like begging, and it would suck to have the door thrown on my face.
I may have to do it anyway.