from Verse One Hundred Twenty-TwoTherefore excessive favor and excessive harshness are both contrary to the Way.~ Wen-tzu: Understanding the Mysteries ~
The above passage is from a section that deals with governing a country. However, as I'm sure you've noticed, I often like to take a principle down to a more personal level. If the principle is true, then it should apply, nonetheless.
As is Lao Tzu's wont, he again is warning us of the dangers of extremes. Whenever we stray too far from the middle path, we are much more likely to find ourselves in trouble.
Let's say I ask you to do me a favor and you willingly comply. If I make a point to thank you, you might say, "You're welcome" and then continue on with your day. But what if I heap praises on you throughout the day? If my thankfulness exceeds the deed done, after awhile it will surprise no one if you grow a tad bit suspicious.
"What is he up to?" you might ask yourself. "What is he buttering me up for? What's with all this brown-nosing?" In time, you may decide I have an ulterior motive and, owing to the way many humans operate, you might be right!
If you later learn that all my praise indeed was due to an ulterior motive, then you might decide not to do any favors for me in the future and/or not to pay any attention to my false praise.
Let's now look at this from the other direction. Let's say I ask you to do some small thing and you either don't do it or you mess it up. If I mention to you that I'm a bit disappointed, you might say, "Hey, I'm genuinely sorry" and then that will be that. But what if I spend the rest of the day telling you what a lousy excuse for a human being you are? If my scorn far exceeds the situation, you might ask yourself, "Who stuck a burr up his butt?"
If I continue to lambaste you every time I see you, you probably won't want to have anything to do me! Who could blame you?
In both examples proffered, the enmity is caused by the excess and nothing else.
This post is part of a series. For an introduction, go here.
As is Lao Tzu's wont, he again is warning us of the dangers of extremes. Whenever we stray too far from the middle path, we are much more likely to find ourselves in trouble.
Let's say I ask you to do me a favor and you willingly comply. If I make a point to thank you, you might say, "You're welcome" and then continue on with your day. But what if I heap praises on you throughout the day? If my thankfulness exceeds the deed done, after awhile it will surprise no one if you grow a tad bit suspicious.
"What is he up to?" you might ask yourself. "What is he buttering me up for? What's with all this brown-nosing?" In time, you may decide I have an ulterior motive and, owing to the way many humans operate, you might be right!
If you later learn that all my praise indeed was due to an ulterior motive, then you might decide not to do any favors for me in the future and/or not to pay any attention to my false praise.
Let's now look at this from the other direction. Let's say I ask you to do some small thing and you either don't do it or you mess it up. If I mention to you that I'm a bit disappointed, you might say, "Hey, I'm genuinely sorry" and then that will be that. But what if I spend the rest of the day telling you what a lousy excuse for a human being you are? If my scorn far exceeds the situation, you might ask yourself, "Who stuck a burr up his butt?"
If I continue to lambaste you every time I see you, you probably won't want to have anything to do me! Who could blame you?
In both examples proffered, the enmity is caused by the excess and nothing else.
This post is part of a series. For an introduction, go here.
I was also taught, if you are going to criticize, do it constructively, and do not start any critical feedback with a complement.
ReplyDeleteCM,
ReplyDeleteYou are so wise and insightful, but that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. You mean like that? ; )
P.S. Just so we're clear, I don't think it's dumb at all. My initial response was meant as humor. However, as the internet can be an impersonal form of communication, a lot of the time humor doesn't come across as intended.
No -- I got it. I got a good shock and a better laugh outta that. Thanks so much!
ReplyDelete