Verse 79: Right by Tao

Verse Seventy-Nine
Sometimes,
when an argument is settled,
feelings of resentment still remain
on either side.
What's the point of carrying a grudge?

The Masters care
about what they owe other people,
not what other people owe them.

People who are in touch with Tao
do their duty.
People who aren't
try to force others into submission.

Tao doesn't play favorites.
But if you do right by Tao,
Tao will do right by you.
~ Ron Hogan rendition ~

Does anyone ever really win an argument? Sometimes, it's a draw with all participants frustrated by the entire encounter. At other times, there is a more clear cut "winner", but does the loser really get over it?

I like how John Lash addresses the first part of this verse.

There is really nothing that one can do about it. The history of the world is a history of such resentment. Such resentment comes from having been exploited, or having been humiliated, or having been conquered, and it can last for centuries. Therefore, the Tai Chi person does his utmost to avoid conflict and the manipulation of others. If the Tai Chi person must use Tai Chi to defend himself, it is a sign that he has failed in his journey. The whole point of Tai Chi is to become one with others. The use of self-defence shows that the Tai Chi person has lost his way.

As with most things discussed in the TTC, what we're talking about here is an ideal. It would be unrealistic to expect humans not ever to disagree simply because we each view the world through our own subjective lenses. Often, these subjective vantage points conflict with each other and, in the process of threshing out these differences, we will find ourselves at loggerheads.

But I think Lash makes a very astute point -- it's the way we try to resolve our disagreements that matters. It's important to be respectful of another person's or group's perspective -- as you may have noticed, I have often have a bit of trouble in this area! Disagreements are okay as long as we engage in honest discussion. We humans tend to fail -- again, this often represents one of my shortcomings -- because "winning" the debate becomes so important that we resort to attempting to manipulate, humiliate, demean or conquer the other person or people involved.

Even worse, when engaged in a heated debate or discussion, most of us have two kinds of ground rules -- one set for everyone else and a special set for ourselves! When another person breaks one of these precious ground rules, we immediately jump up to cry FOUL! You're not being fair or honest or straightforward, we screech.

However, when the shoe is on the other foot and we're the ones abusing the process, we're quick to offer a convenient justification for our recalcitrant behavior. We always feel that we're the only ones who merit a get out of jail free card.

In the end, a Tao person doesn't go out of their way looking for an argument. However, if the situation is at an impasse and a discussion ensues, make your points honestly and respectfully, then leave it at that. Don't try to win at all costs because those costs are almost always too high.

This post is part of a series. For an introduction, go here.