A Routine Pain

There I was...sound asleep. All of a sudden, I jerked awake. It felt like the inside of my left thigh was on fire in an electrical sort of way. I switched on the lamp next to my sleeping mat. I pulled down my sweats to see if I'd been bitten by something or if there was something visual for me to see. Of course, there wasn't. Everything looked normal.

So, I tried to get comfortable and fall back to sleep. Before I nodded off, it happened again and happened several more times over the next hour. I finally did fall asleep.

When I awoke this morning, my entire inner left thigh from my groin to just above my knee really hurts. It hurts to the touch and it hurts to move. Again, I took a look at the area and there is nothing noticeable.

Am I alarmed? Not at all. This is par for the course. I guess the best I can say is that it's annoying, but it's normal for my life with fibromyalgia.

My body doesn't seem to like itself because it constantly attacks itself. For me, it's rarely a question of when, but where. Where will it strike next and how long will it last?

I believe I've suffered from fibro most of my adult life. In my 30s to earlier 40s, the pattern was different. I had severe flare-ups that would last from a few days to a few months, followed by months of remission. The attacks covered multiple areas of my body and were often excruciating and/or debilitating. They seemed to come out of the blue and then disappear just as suddenly.

Over the past decade, the pattern has shifted. I now to seem to be in one extended flare-up that spikes from time to time. I can't think of a day over the past several years when I have felt physically okay. Some portion of my body is always under attack and, from time to time, several areas are under attack simultaneously.

To give you an idea of what I'm referring to, here's a brief list:

• Inflamed sternum (happens frequently)
• Noticeable tremors in my hands or feet
• Light sensitivity
• Stiff neck
• One side of face swells up with or without an accompanying rash
  
• Horrendous rashes that can envelope limbs and/or scalp
• Searing pain
  
• Swelling with no known injury
• Butt spasms (makes it hard to sit, stand or lie down)

The list could be ten times longer, but you get the idea. Fibro used to get me down, mainly because I never knew when or where it would strike. It doesn't depress me too much these days because I guess I'm used to it -- As an aspie, I like patterns, even bad patterns and this is definitely a pattern.

The only parts of having fibro that I still struggle with are a) that far too many people think it's solely a "woman's disease" and b) for the most part, it's not a disability that others can see. I may be writhing in pain or entirely foggy in the head, but I just look like an average fellow to most people. So, a lot of people act as if it's all in my head or I'm exaggerating.

I'd willingly trade places with them for one week. I bet they'd soon sing a far different tune.