Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Helpfully Unhelpful

Last night I made my usual pilgrimage to the United Church in Raymond to wash dishes at the monthly Soup Supper. The regulars have gotten use to my routines. Upon arrival, I turn on the sanitizer, I move the dish strainer to the north counter, I get out the trays for the sanitizer and place them in their appropriate spots and I fill the middle sink with soapy water.

While everybody else eats, visits and laughs, I hide out in the kitchen with a book. The regulars know not to come into the kitchen to try to cajole me to come out to join the party.

For the longest time, the soup suppers weren't attended by that many people. If we had more than 15 or so on hand, we called that a huge crowd. Recently, however, one of the churches in the "valley" has joined forces with the United Church group on sponsoring the monthly suppers and now 30 people or more is not uncommon.

In the overall scheme of things, I view this as a positive development. With the economy still teetering -- despite what the government and the mainstream media reports -- a lot of people in this area are out of work and hungry. These FREE dinners provide many with delicious hot food and no proselytizing whatsoever. (That last part makes me very happy.)

For me, however, this influx of new faces has made my part of the deal a bit more difficult. While the regulars understand my quirkiness, the new people don't and, because these are church people, they want to be helpful!

To try to keep most people OUT of "my" kitchen, I place a big rubber tub out on a cart near the entrance of the kitchen for folks to put their dirty dishes in. One of the hosts explains the purpose of the container to people, yet too many of them -- trying to be helpful, I suppose -- eschew the container and bring their dishes to me directly in the kitchen. Not only that, but they also try to engage me in small talk!! Argh!

If they come in one by one, I may not be happy, but I can deal with it okay. Unfortunately, they like to enter in gaggles! All this does is make me extremely uncomfortable and, if the numbers become too great, I exist out the back door until they're gone.

One lady, in particular, kept bringing me dishes. I pointed out to her that she didn't need to do this; simply place the dishes in the tub. "Well, I know how busy you are back here," she explained. "I'm just trying to make it easier on you." At this juncture, I told her about my Asperger's in a friendly tone -- though I'm not sure she wasn't offended -- and explained to her that she would be most helpful to me if she was more unhelpful (in her eyes).

Fortunately, the hosts started inviting people to come back to the Fellowship Hall for several rousing rounds of Bingo and this allowed me to get back to my work...in peaceful isolation.

2 comments:

  1. lol my worst dread growing up was "church potluck dinners" which my parents would drag me to and where it would be obligatory to socialize. since i had really nothing in common with the other youth or adults, i would bring a book and read in the corner, occasionally undisturbed but uncomfortable often not. :/

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