How do you handle adversity? Do you have temper tantrums? Do you scream, shout and curse? Do you eat or drink yourself silly? Do you walk around bitching and moaning that it's just not fair?
As much as we might like it otherwise, one of the hallmarks of human existence is bound up in adversity and tragedy. There's not a damn thing any of us can do to avoid it. Stuff breaks. Things don't go the way we had planned. Expectations are dashed. People die.
How we comport ourselves when things go south says a lot about our character. It's one of the important elements that other people use when they try to size us up. More importantly, we use it ourselves to judge whether we think we're on the right path or not.
Learning to respond to adversity in productive ways has a steep learning curve. When we're mere infants, we bawl our heads off --driving our parents stark raving mad -- when things don't go as we prefer or we feel our needs aren't being met in a timely manner (i.e., right damn now!). When we're a tad bit older, a good many of us express our displeasure in the form of violent temper tantrums -- made even worse if we happen to be in the middle of a crowded mall, store or church!
Some of us don't ever outgrow this stage. As supposedly mature adults, we engage in the same type of reactions that we did when we were three years old.
I know it's been a long road for me. In my teens and 20s, I tended to react in a passive-aggressive manner. In my 30s, I graduated to cursing the world and feeling sorry for myself. But sometime in my 40s, my perspective changed. While my reactions are FAR from perfect, I now tend not to react much at all. I just look at the situation and try to figure out what the next step should be.
Here's an example. About 2 years ago, my truck gave up the ghost between South Bend and Raymond. It was about mid-evening and our meager local bus service had ended for the day. To make matters worse, it was raining and raining rather hard. Because of my fibromyalgia, walking more than a few blocks at any given time can be excruciating and I was approximately 2 1/2 miles from home. I also had my little dog Scruffy with me and, I soon discovered, no leash was in the truck.
Had this happened 10 - 15 years previous, I would have been fit to be tied. I would have cursed and yelled and bitched and moaned about my sorry and miserable existence.
However, being a bit older and wiser, I simply didn't go there. I surveyed the situation and realized the only alternative was to walk home. So, Scruffy and I started walking. I didn't walk in anger, frustration or sorrow; I just walked. And I kept walking until I arrived home. We were both drenched and cold. I could hardly move because of the stiffness and pain incurred from the trek.
I simply realized that things like this happen in each life. So, I dealt with it head-on and then I went to bed. :-) The next morning I went to work on finding a solution to the problem. I didn't like the situation of being a one-vehicle family that now had NO vehicle, but things are what they are.
As much as we might like it otherwise, one of the hallmarks of human existence is bound up in adversity and tragedy. There's not a damn thing any of us can do to avoid it. Stuff breaks. Things don't go the way we had planned. Expectations are dashed. People die.
How we comport ourselves when things go south says a lot about our character. It's one of the important elements that other people use when they try to size us up. More importantly, we use it ourselves to judge whether we think we're on the right path or not.
Learning to respond to adversity in productive ways has a steep learning curve. When we're mere infants, we bawl our heads off --driving our parents stark raving mad -- when things don't go as we prefer or we feel our needs aren't being met in a timely manner (i.e., right damn now!). When we're a tad bit older, a good many of us express our displeasure in the form of violent temper tantrums -- made even worse if we happen to be in the middle of a crowded mall, store or church!
Some of us don't ever outgrow this stage. As supposedly mature adults, we engage in the same type of reactions that we did when we were three years old.
I know it's been a long road for me. In my teens and 20s, I tended to react in a passive-aggressive manner. In my 30s, I graduated to cursing the world and feeling sorry for myself. But sometime in my 40s, my perspective changed. While my reactions are FAR from perfect, I now tend not to react much at all. I just look at the situation and try to figure out what the next step should be.
Here's an example. About 2 years ago, my truck gave up the ghost between South Bend and Raymond. It was about mid-evening and our meager local bus service had ended for the day. To make matters worse, it was raining and raining rather hard. Because of my fibromyalgia, walking more than a few blocks at any given time can be excruciating and I was approximately 2 1/2 miles from home. I also had my little dog Scruffy with me and, I soon discovered, no leash was in the truck.
Had this happened 10 - 15 years previous, I would have been fit to be tied. I would have cursed and yelled and bitched and moaned about my sorry and miserable existence.
However, being a bit older and wiser, I simply didn't go there. I surveyed the situation and realized the only alternative was to walk home. So, Scruffy and I started walking. I didn't walk in anger, frustration or sorrow; I just walked. And I kept walking until I arrived home. We were both drenched and cold. I could hardly move because of the stiffness and pain incurred from the trek.
I simply realized that things like this happen in each life. So, I dealt with it head-on and then I went to bed. :-) The next morning I went to work on finding a solution to the problem. I didn't like the situation of being a one-vehicle family that now had NO vehicle, but things are what they are.
i think that emotional reactions are natural. in some circumstances more than others. for example, if i am baking bread and realize that i'm out of flour, i don't bitch and moan about it, i just simply go get more flour or else put the mix in the fridge until tomorrow. however if a person i was close to died, i would definitely be upset and emotional. as a pregnant woman, i have had the honor of experiencing just how much hormones have to do with my reactions. more specifically, i tend to overreact WAY more than i used to. :P usually i can deal with my emotions to a sufficient extent- i'll let myself cuss and whine a little bit because otherwise i get a headache from the suppression- but then i can calmly deal with problems. as a hormone-crazed pregnant woman? nuh-uh. if i'm feeling sad, i'll become a sobbing mess. if i'm angry, i'll hit my punching bag. if i'm affectionate, i'll cling to my husband. :P i've essentially become the emotional equivalent of a 2 year old. don't ask me why.
ReplyDeleteHi R T
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy when you write of such things as this. I like your style and approach to life. :-)
If you read my last 2 posts, which I iknow you read and commented on the one before this latest one - you know that I deal head on as well - even when I am SO scared I forge on and do what I have to do.
Love Gail
peasorilice.....
I enjoyed this post as well. Thanks for the insight.
ReplyDeleteI loved finding in the I Ching the line, Learn the lesson in the adversity. It's a similar perspective I picked up in my catholic days. Buddhism, I'm learning, teaches life without difficulty is not possible--we need to embrace the difficult and act with courage and wisdom. So, I'm still dreading some of life's adversities, like the car giving up the ghost when I'm on my way to work. But if and when it happens, I'll learn some kind of lesson!
ReplyDeleteHi again-
ReplyDeleteI just looked at my 'salutation' on my comment and I have NO idea what I wrote - "peasorilice" What the hell is that? It appears alien, certainly foreign and mind boggling :-)
Too funny ey?
love you
And here I thought you were merely coining a new word. :D)
ReplyDelete