Hello. I'm Fred Ponsaloney III, president of the Fart Retrieval League. We all know that millions of farts are released by Americans each day, but did you know not all of them are free to rejoin the atmosphere? It's true. A small but significant number of farts each day are hopelessly trapped in seat cushions, suspended forever in cotton padding or foam rubber. We're asking you to help rescue these forgotten farts by sending your donations to the Fart Retrieval League. We'll send you a booklet entitled The Facts on Farts. And next time you're in a hotel lobby, do your part: Jump up and down on a seat cushion for several minutes and liberate a few trapped farts.
~ from "When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?" by George Carlin ~