Hopelessly Devoted

One of the big positives to come out of my recent experience is that of a reaffirmation of the devotion my wife and I share. Anytime one of us has been gravely ill or recovering from surgery, the other puts almost everything else on hold to take care of the beloved.

This time around my wife Della has been my saint! (A few years ago, when she was recovering from cancer surgery, it was the other way around.) She stayed with me overnight at the hospital to provide comfort and strength. She's doted on me at home. She's cooked for me. She has taken care of the shopping -- usually my domain. She even split wood for last night's fire.

Sickness and injury are one of our reminders of our finiteness. Each incident could be the final one. Even when we're very sure it's just a temporary situation, we each know, in the back of our heads, that one day we each will die. If a person shares a deep and abiding intimate relationship with another, these situations can be a bit scary.

If my dear Della precedes me in death, I know that life will go on. I will awaken each morning to carry on the tasks of the day. I will still pay the bills, tend to the chores, fix and eat meals, watch TV, take care of the animals, etc., etc. Yes, I will carry on, but I'm sure my life will appear quite miserable for some time. I'll cry often and will fight through bouts of severe depression.

The death of a beloved partner is hard on anyone, but I think it's particularly hard on childless couples! Parents have their children and the extended family to help them manage the grief. But a childless couple doesn't have this built-in support system. Della & I have each other and, when one departs forever, the other will be left completely alone!

All this reality underscores for me is the importance of cherishing each day together. None of us knows when that last day, last look, last word or last kiss will come to pass. Often, it strikes out of the blue when we are the least prepared. So, it's often important to remind ourselves not to get dragged down in petty disagreements and arguments. Life is too short to spend most of it bickering.

So, do me a favor: Tell those you love that you love them -- because one day they will no longer be around to hear it or you won't be around to say it.