Saturday, December 24, 2005

Kringle, Jesus Announce Cancellation of Christmas '05

North Pole (UPI) -- In an extraordinary move today, Kris Kringle and Jesus of Nazareth held a joint news conference in which they announced the cancellation of this year's "holiday" season. Both expressed a bit of sadness, but they felt humanity had left them no other choice.

"This is SUPPOSED to be the season of goodwill and peace," the Jewish carpenter remarked, "but, it's hard to see much of that going around with all the fighting in Afghanistan and Iraq." He added that recent efforts by the U.S. Congress to reduce benefits to the poor and the passage of several state initiatives to ban gay marriage certainly violated the substance of goodwill.

For his part, the jolly elf said he'd taken a cue from current US President George Bush. "A lot of the children throughout the world have been extra good this year," noted Kringle, "but, their leaders have not." Since Mr. Bush has instituted the "you're either with us or against us" policy, Kringle said he felt that he had to judge society based on overall policies, not individual merit.

Both of these important leaders said they hoped things would turn around in 2006, but neither was willing to hold his breath. "The way the world is going," Jesus lamented, "we may end up scrapping the Christmas season altogether."

Asked what each planned to do this week instead of the usual, both were at a loss for words. Jesus said he'd probably go home and spend some time with his dog. Kringle and his wife plan to go to Antarctica for a little R & R.


  1. I want to wish a Happy Whateverday to you and yours.
    We are preparing for our 3rd annual "Buddhists, Jews, Native Americans and Pagans" winter solstice feast which we hold at the Puyallup Indians Emerald Queen casino.
    We observe all of the more crass and commercial aspects of the holiday season, i.e., singing of a carol parody, a gift exchange and finally, stuffing ourselves to excess with an unimaginable array of food and drink. Their buffet is legendary, and none of us have to cook or clean up.
    A good time is had by all.

  2. Dino,
    Happy Solstice! Sounds like you have a great celebration planned. My wife & I are going to enjoy a quiet dinner with a local couple.


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