PRESS RELEASE
from Credo, the Celestial Formicidae
April 1, 2009
It's come to my attention that the species Homo Sapiens has taken a rather weak April Fool's Joke I pulled many years ago and has run with it in a far too serious way. I simply would like to set the record straight.
Several eons ago -- don't ask me when -- I was having a really boring day, so I got in contact with my followers to see if we could do something fun. Neither the bees nor wasps were able to come up with anything, but the ants hit on a brainstorm -- good thing too because the ants are my chosen ones!
We decided to play a trick on humans. I located this one naive guy -- no woman would be stupid enough to fall for this -- and I told him that I was an old guy who lived up in the clouds and he -- pay attention, this is the hilarious part -- was created in my image! I also told him that I watched every human and I could even read their thoughts. I told him that he needed to inform as many people as possible and that they needed to worship me or I might become very cross.
Well, let me tell you it was a sight to behold. Most of the people who heard (and believed!) this ridiculous story started running around acting like a scorpion who's had his head cut off. They developed all sorts of weird rules and rituals in devotion to me. I hadn't laughed so hard in several epochs.
After awhile, the humor sort of wore off and so I went back to this guy and said, "April Fools!" I thought he would laugh and reply, "Boy, you pulled a fast on me. didn't you?" But I had forgotten how stubborn and pigheaded human beings can be!
He accused me of being something called the devil. I told him, "No. No. Remember, I'm Credo, the Celestial Formicidae." It didn't do any good. This fellow and all the people he told continued to worship the imaginary man in the sky. In fact, they've created an entire history plus religious institutions to transmit it.
Folks, enough is enough. I made it all up. If you really want to know the truth of the matter, mammals are perverse mutations. The world I created was supposed to only have insects plus a few birds, reptiles and fish I threw in later.
The world was a paradise until you folks came along! Everything worked according to plan and nothing was left undone. But you creatures, you seem determined to destroy the world with your wars and cars and nuclear reactors and all the other crap you surround yourselves with.
So, just remember, you were NOT created in my image and you vile creatures are nothing like me. If you want to get a clue of what I look like, it's a lot closer to what you call an ant. If you really want to worship me, then quit stepping on and smashing my followers. If not, the ants may one day rise up and eat you.
from Credo, the Celestial Formicidae
April 1, 2009
It's come to my attention that the species Homo Sapiens has taken a rather weak April Fool's Joke I pulled many years ago and has run with it in a far too serious way. I simply would like to set the record straight.
Several eons ago -- don't ask me when -- I was having a really boring day, so I got in contact with my followers to see if we could do something fun. Neither the bees nor wasps were able to come up with anything, but the ants hit on a brainstorm -- good thing too because the ants are my chosen ones!
We decided to play a trick on humans. I located this one naive guy -- no woman would be stupid enough to fall for this -- and I told him that I was an old guy who lived up in the clouds and he -- pay attention, this is the hilarious part -- was created in my image! I also told him that I watched every human and I could even read their thoughts. I told him that he needed to inform as many people as possible and that they needed to worship me or I might become very cross.
Well, let me tell you it was a sight to behold. Most of the people who heard (and believed!) this ridiculous story started running around acting like a scorpion who's had his head cut off. They developed all sorts of weird rules and rituals in devotion to me. I hadn't laughed so hard in several epochs.
After awhile, the humor sort of wore off and so I went back to this guy and said, "April Fools!" I thought he would laugh and reply, "Boy, you pulled a fast on me. didn't you?" But I had forgotten how stubborn and pigheaded human beings can be!
He accused me of being something called the devil. I told him, "No. No. Remember, I'm Credo, the Celestial Formicidae." It didn't do any good. This fellow and all the people he told continued to worship the imaginary man in the sky. In fact, they've created an entire history plus religious institutions to transmit it.
Folks, enough is enough. I made it all up. If you really want to know the truth of the matter, mammals are perverse mutations. The world I created was supposed to only have insects plus a few birds, reptiles and fish I threw in later.
The world was a paradise until you folks came along! Everything worked according to plan and nothing was left undone. But you creatures, you seem determined to destroy the world with your wars and cars and nuclear reactors and all the other crap you surround yourselves with.
So, just remember, you were NOT created in my image and you vile creatures are nothing like me. If you want to get a clue of what I look like, it's a lot closer to what you call an ant. If you really want to worship me, then quit stepping on and smashing my followers. If not, the ants may one day rise up and eat you.
Woah -- ants are the "Chosen Ones"? I thought this was all created for Bacteria.
ReplyDeleteAnd everybody who is in a position to know, knows that Europa is God's paradise, not Earth! Earth is just a weed infested, fart filled, seething, screeching, eating, breeding mess!
ReplyDelete