Today I am going back to "our house" in South Bend for what [I hope] will be the last time. There are a few odds and ends to take care of plus a small amount of belongings that still remain to be brought back to Ocean Shores. Once these tasks are completed, I will lock up "our house" one last time and that will be that. Within two weeks, we will turn over our keys to the government and -- barring some miracle -- we will never again be homeowners.
I have come a long way in the past month. My firsts trips back to "our house" were very emotional for me. It still felt like "our house." At this point, I'm feeling very ambivalent. I'm not sure how I will feel when I walk through the front door this morning. The house is almost empty and all the utilities were turned off weeks ago. I think it will be like staring at the sun-bleached skeleton of someone you once knew intimately.
Another thing different about this last trip is that I'm not really looking forward to it. I know it is something I have to do, so I'm doing it, but I'm doing it rather unenthusiastically. As much as I miss the old house and my routine -- I miss both more than I can express -- it is over and done with. All I will be doing today is hammering the last nail in that coffin.
I suppose that explains my lack of enthusiasm. I realize that today marks the final goodbye.