Damn Uncomfortable

Trey Smith

It seems that a good deal of my life right now is damn uncomfortable.

At the head of the list, of course, is the uncomfortableness of worrying about my wife's health situation. Everyday the doctors seem to switch from hopeful to not as hopeful and from worrisome to not as worrisome. It's like riding on a roller coaster.

But that is certainly NOT the only thing that is making me uncomfortable. Hopefully, the niece of my step-mother deposited me in White Salmon last night. While I am very, very appreciative of her selfless act, we all know that strangers or people I don't know that well make me very anxious. Just the idea of a social situation makes my hair stand on end. She and I have communicated via email before and spoken on the telephone, so that should calm my nerves a tad.

I will be doing A LOT of driving in the next week. Ten years ago, it wouldn't have been a big deal. When Della and I traveled together, I typically handled 90 percent of the driving. A decade or two ago, I drove solo round trip from Arkansas to Oregon. Twice! But as my anxiety levels have gone up in tandem with my physical issues, Della has become our main driver.

Not only must I handle all of the driving chores for the foreseeable future, but I'm going to have to drive into downtown Portland! I don't do well in urban areas because vehicles dart here and there at very high speeds. The main interstates into and through Portland feature multiple lanes with cars appearing suddenly out of nowhere (entry ramps) and then just as suddenly disappearing (exit ramps). It is a certain recipe for sensory overload!

And then I must go into a crowded hospital with people scurrying around everywhere. It's like my worst nightmare from hell!!!

I am sure I will be a nervous wreck, but I must face these things because my wife needs me. She's been there for me more times than I can count. She understands -- but she is fretting about it all -- that I must go far outside my comfort zone to come to her. I sure wish it wasn't this way, but it is. For my wife's sake, I MUST muddle through.

Hey, isn't that what true love is all about?