The First Step

Trey Smith

As Laozi tells us, a first step is needed to start any journey. You can't travel down a path IF you don't move. I understand this point rationally, but as I look to begin the process of downsizing our lives in a dramatic fashion, I'm having a problem with taking the plunge.

The enormity of the task before me has given me cement boots. There is so much to do in a short amount of time that I am having trouble trying to get myself going. I keep looking at this enormous task by saying to myself, "OMG!"

Before someone offers the suggestion that I simply need to focus on one little piece of the work and do that, I understand this strategy well. In fact, it is how I tend to tackle most big projects. Often, it isn't that important which part of the task one starts with -- the important thing is to start...something. After two or three little parts of the project are completed, you begin to build momentum and, in no time at all, you finish the project.

I know all this. So, if I know this to be true, why can't I seem to get going?

There are two answers to this question. First, in part due to the stress we've been under, I'm having one of my Fibromyalgia flare-ups. My body is wracked with pain and I am overcome with fatigue. Yesterday I slept for nearly 14 hours (8 hours, 3 hours and then another 3 hours) and I awoke just as tired and lethargic as before I went to bed. The enormity of the task with so little energy makes the task appear even bigger than it is.

Second, and more importantly, this attempt at downsizing will be far more painful for me than in the past. I'm not talking about shedding a few items here or there on the periphery; I'm talking about reducing the number of things we own by two-thirds to three-fourths. As an individual who overly identifies with objects, I'm going to have to say goodbye to numerous items of special significance.

For example, I have hauled around for 20 years or more items that originally belonged to my late maternal grandparents and mother. We use many of these items in our everyday lives, but the majority of them sit in boxes or in cabinets. Even though I may not look at or handle them on a routine basis, it provides me with calming influence knowing that they are there.

I need to sell or give away some of these cherished items. I need to prioritize the limited space we will have for the move itself and our subsequent new landing spot. If Della decides to stay with the AmeriCorps program for a few years, we need to be able to move as cheaply as possible and this cannot be done if we're toting around too much stuff.

And so, the chief aspect standing in my way is my reluctance to have to begin the process of deciding what few items will remain with us and the large amount of items we will let go of. I don't REALLY want to let go of most of them!!

But I know I have to and, in time, I will...but not without a lot of tears.