Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Bit by Bit - Chapter 4, Part 18

Trey Smith

"A very good question," said Ch'u Po-yu. "Be careful, be on your guard, and make sure that you yourself are in the right! In your actions it is best to follow along with him, and in your mind it is best to harmonize with him. However, these two courses involve certain dangers. Though you follow along, you don't want to be pulled into his doings, and though you harmonize, you don't want to be drawn out too far. If in your actions you follow along to the extent of being pulled in with him, then you will be overthrown, destroyed, wiped out, and brought to your knees. If in your mind you harmonize to the extent of being drawn out, then you will be talked about, named, blamed, and condemned. If he wants to be a child, be a child with him. If he wants to follow erratic ways, follow erratic ways with him. If he wants to be reckless, be reckless with him. Understand him thoroughly, and lead him to the point where he is without fault.

"Don't you know about the praying mantis that waved its arms angrily in front of an approaching carriage, unaware that they were incapable of stopping it? Such was the high opinion it had of its talents. Be careful, be on your guard! If you offend him by parading your store of talents, you will be in danger!

~ Burton Watson translation ~
In a way, this sounds like an old English proverb: You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

When we try to suggest changes to others through confrontation, what tends to happen?  They put up defenses and they fight any suggestions we make make.   In many cases, though they may understand the point we're trying to make deep down inside, they'll be damned to admit it.  They will refuse to heed our suggestions out of spite.

To view the Index page for this series, go here.

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