In Need of Help

Trey Smith

Why is it the people who need the most help...won't take it?
~ a line (see clip below) from the movie, A River Runs Through It ~

At different points in my life, there have been family members or friends who struggled mightily against the flow of life. As they thrash about, it becomes obvious to everyone concerned that they desperately need help, but as the line above underscores, they will be damned if they accept any!

In far too many cases, their abject refusal paves the way for much suffering and, ultimately, their demise.

It is a very helpless feeling watching someone you care about destroying their life bit by bit and piece by piece. You're standing there with a life preserver in hand and yet every time you throw it to them, they push it aside. You beg them to grab hold of it, but they laugh in your face and tell you (and themselves) that they have everything under control.

It's a damn lie, but what can you do?

While some folks represent the epitome of this vexing problem, the truth of the matter is that each of us is that person. We each possess blind spots; parts of our lives that we swear we have under control when, in reality, we don't. We each refuse help when it would be beneficial and we go it alone when we would be better served to accept a helping hand.

In my particular case, I can offer a clear example. I'm a terrible patient! When I'm very sick or injured and my physician tells me to stay off my feet, I am loath to follow the directive. I always seem to get up before I should and to putter around the house doing things I shouldn't be doing.

My dear wife -- a caregiver by profession -- urges me each time to allow her to take care of me, but she will certainly tell you that I don't always listen.

For my part, I cherish my independence. I like doing my own things in my own ways. I hate being down and having to rely on others for my basic needs. So, I often push the envelope and end up suffering longer than need be simply because I rebuff offers of assistance.

As my body continues to deteriorate, I am working hard to overcome this problem. I am cognizant of the fact that I may be relegated to a wheelchair within the next 10 years. My bones and muscles are growing more feeble and, despite my determination, a day may come fairly soon when I will struggle to dress, feed and bathe myself.

I don't want to get to the point in which my exasperated wife asks a family member or friend, "Why is it the people who need the most help...won't take it?"