If I Was a Soldier...(Revisited)

If I Was A Soldier...
Original Post Date: June 26, 2005

As a pacifist, I never spent much time thinking about what it would be like to be a soldier in a war. I grew up watching John Wayne war movies, but, even as a young lad, I realized these flicks were over-romanticized and sanitized versions of reality. Suffice it to say, I thought war must be a dirty business and anyone who willingly served must be itching to kill somebody.

My perspective changed dramatically upon seeing the 1986 movie, Platoon. As my soon-to-be wife & I left the theater in Kansas City, my reaction to the film was far different than most of the other males headed toward their cars in the parking lot. I heard lots of comments like "Ooh man, that was cool" or "Hey, let's go see it again."

I was numb and somber. My fiance was worried about my reaction. I didn't say much at the time and I brooded for several days. To put it bluntly, the film blew me away.

As happens with most good films, I tried to put myself in the place of Charlie Sheen's character. How do I think I would have reacted in those situations? My answer to this question may surprise you.

Despite the fact I'm a devout pacifist, I really don't know how I would react to lots of people I don't know trying to kill me. I'm fairly certain I would be scared beyond belief. I also realize that absolute fear can cause people to do things they could never imagine themselves doing. I realize that there's a 50/50 chance that -- if placed in such a horrific situation -- I could become a capable killer!

If a person is overwhelmed with fear, people are shooting at you and you have an automatic weapon in your hand, one way to mitigate the terror for the moment is to shoot back and try to kill those trying to kill you. In fact, if fear becomes your constant companion, one might easily get to the point where, if anything moves, you shoot first and ask questions later.

We hear about cases in every war in which friendly fire is the cause of death for one or more of our own servicemen/women. Just as often, there are reports of innocent bystanders who are gunned down by trigger-happy soldiers. While such reports greatly disturb me, I understand that many soldiers have a reason to be trigger-happy; fear was in total control. They weren't thinking, they were on automatic pilot. Something moved; they shot it.

It is because of all these contemplations that I feel great empathy for some of those serving today in the US military. I say "some" because I believe there are two different types of soldiers.

I believe that the majority of service personnel have signed on for honorable reasons. They believe they are serving our country. If given the choice, they'd want to do almost anything other than go into combat to shoot people. In other words, killing the enemy is disturbing to them, but they do so out of a steadfast belief in duty.

There's a second group of individuals who join the military who I have no empathy for whatsoever. These are the men who seem EAGER to kill. These are the men who whine when there's a lull in the battle. These are the type of guys who mug for the camera and brag about gunning down gooks, ragheads or whatever other derisive name is "fashionable".

Fortunately, these "let's go gun 'em down" types are the minority. I'd be awfully worried about the future of humankind if they were the majority.

I'm glad that I've never been put in the position to be a soldier in any war. I'm scared to think how I would have handled it. This goes a long way toward explaining why I'm even more steadfast against warfare than before. As a person who cares about others as much as myself, I don't like the idea of placing other people into this situation. I don't like the idea of others wondering to themselves, "Will my fear turn me into trigger-happy killing machine?"

If there is no war, there would be no need for a such a question ever to be asked...or answered.