In a post today at On the Other Hand, Lydia relates an experience in which she expected a situation to be troublesome, yet it didn't turn out that way at all.
As an autistic person, it is mandatory that I run through every possibility I can think of in relation to any anticipated event. I run through negative, positive and mixed scenarios to try to figure how I should react. As I try to figure out a correct response (for me), I experience the emotions as if the situation was occurring in the here and now.
Of course, the chief problem with this strategy is that I often prepare for a negative outcome or experience and the actual circumstance itself isn't negative in the least and, sometimes, it turns out quite positive. But I still experienced all the anxiety of a potential negative situation beforehand!
Over the course of my life, well-meaning family members and friends have kindly suggested that I adopt a different strategy. Why not react to circumstances as they occur, rather than anticipating what might or might not occur?
I would love to employ their advice, but I can't. The results would be disastrous!
You see, I don't have the ability to react spontaneously without freaking out. As a person who leads a very patterned existence, anything outside the pattern is stress-producing. If I don't pre-program responses to stimuli, I end up completely befuddled and, 9 times out of 10, I react in a way that is counterintuitive and/or counterproductive.
This especially is true when other people are involved. Since I have a great deal of difficulty reading others, I inadvertently tend to do or say the absolute worst thing for the given situation. So to avoid these perpetual embarrassments, I try to pre-program my brain with responses akin to a card catalog system at the local library.
It works relatively well. In most situations, I am able to pull up a response that is in the ballpark of an appropriate one (though I still have trouble conveying it). Every now and then, I encounter a situation that I have never simulated before and I experience a bit of a meltdown, but, once I calm down, I add it to my extensive catalog for potential future use.
Last fall Drew’s parents arranged for the family to gather for a long overdue family photo. My first thought: can I get away with not wearing makeup for this event?As I noted in the comments section of her blog, I can soo relate to this!
His mom was concerned about color coordination and everyone looking his or her best for the photo. Choosing complimentary outfits wasn’t an issue. I’ll wear almost anything but I really didn’t want to deal with an itchy, irritated face for the next few days just to satisfy social expectations.
Normally I can sniff out a compromise in almost any disagreement or misalignment of expectations. This wasn’t one of them. Knowing the expectations and traditions of certain family members I braced for friendly persuasion and mentally prepared a list of reasons why I was declining to participate in this ritual. The conversation began…
Family member #1: “Lydia, I noticed you’re not wearing any makeup. Do you want to borrow some of ours?”
Me: “No thanks.”
Family member #2: “You don’t need it, anyway.”
The introduction, climax and conclusion of a conversation I’d spent so much time preparing for ended up occurring in a handful of sentences. It was the last thing I’d expected to happen...
As an autistic person, it is mandatory that I run through every possibility I can think of in relation to any anticipated event. I run through negative, positive and mixed scenarios to try to figure how I should react. As I try to figure out a correct response (for me), I experience the emotions as if the situation was occurring in the here and now.
Of course, the chief problem with this strategy is that I often prepare for a negative outcome or experience and the actual circumstance itself isn't negative in the least and, sometimes, it turns out quite positive. But I still experienced all the anxiety of a potential negative situation beforehand!
Over the course of my life, well-meaning family members and friends have kindly suggested that I adopt a different strategy. Why not react to circumstances as they occur, rather than anticipating what might or might not occur?
I would love to employ their advice, but I can't. The results would be disastrous!
You see, I don't have the ability to react spontaneously without freaking out. As a person who leads a very patterned existence, anything outside the pattern is stress-producing. If I don't pre-program responses to stimuli, I end up completely befuddled and, 9 times out of 10, I react in a way that is counterintuitive and/or counterproductive.
This especially is true when other people are involved. Since I have a great deal of difficulty reading others, I inadvertently tend to do or say the absolute worst thing for the given situation. So to avoid these perpetual embarrassments, I try to pre-program my brain with responses akin to a card catalog system at the local library.
It works relatively well. In most situations, I am able to pull up a response that is in the ballpark of an appropriate one (though I still have trouble conveying it). Every now and then, I encounter a situation that I have never simulated before and I experience a bit of a meltdown, but, once I calm down, I add it to my extensive catalog for potential future use.
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