When I was young and still held in the grasp of the Christian mythology, I took very seriously the goal of perfection. While I certainly acknowledged that we humans are not perfect, I concurrently believed that, to take up the cross of Jesus Christ, we must each strive for perfection. And so, each time I fell short of the mark, I beat up myself from straying from the straight line.
Despite the fact I left the Christian family long ago, this idea of being "perfect" is harder to let go of. Often, things we learn and incorporate as young children stay with us long into adulthood. So, it has taken me more than a decade to try to rid this unreasonable vestige from my psyche. In all honesty, it is something I still battle against today.
At some point in my continuing maturation process, I came to the realization that perfection never existed to begin with. The world is anything but static and so, in this ever-changing milieu, it is next too impossible to discern one solitary correct thought or action. It even is more impossible to make these kinds of calculations when a person is unable to factor in many unseen and unknowable variables. Consequently, seeking to live a life of perfection is like wrestling with a ghost!
For the most part, these days I try to figure out which actions or thoughts will result in better harmony in my life and the lives of those around me. If I feel myself tilting toward one extreme or the other, I try to bring myself back toward the middle. Most importantly, I try to gauge the flow of life around me and to find ways to blend into the flow, instead of fighting the current.
Do I accomplish these means perfectly?
HELL NO.
And I'm proud to declare it!!
This post is part of a series. For an introduction, go here.
Despite the fact I left the Christian family long ago, this idea of being "perfect" is harder to let go of. Often, things we learn and incorporate as young children stay with us long into adulthood. So, it has taken me more than a decade to try to rid this unreasonable vestige from my psyche. In all honesty, it is something I still battle against today.
At some point in my continuing maturation process, I came to the realization that perfection never existed to begin with. The world is anything but static and so, in this ever-changing milieu, it is next too impossible to discern one solitary correct thought or action. It even is more impossible to make these kinds of calculations when a person is unable to factor in many unseen and unknowable variables. Consequently, seeking to live a life of perfection is like wrestling with a ghost!
For the most part, these days I try to figure out which actions or thoughts will result in better harmony in my life and the lives of those around me. If I feel myself tilting toward one extreme or the other, I try to bring myself back toward the middle. Most importantly, I try to gauge the flow of life around me and to find ways to blend into the flow, instead of fighting the current.
Do I accomplish these means perfectly?
HELL NO.
And I'm proud to declare it!!
This post is part of a series. For an introduction, go here.
i could have written this post... the same thing is true of me, and my past beliefs still haunt me in this way.
ReplyDeleteask my husband. there are many nights i have huddled under the blankets crying foolish tears over too much weight or not enough education or far, far too little practicality.
this is normal for anyone, or so i'm led to believe. but for some reason i dwell on my mistakes more than most people, and exaggerate my flaws. i grew up seeing myself as worthless and it's hard to get the image out of my mind, no matter how much i can intellectually say "nonsense."