There is this woman I know -- more an acquaintance than a friend -- who is Bi-Polar. I know that she's Bi-Polar because she has a penchant for telling everyone about her condition. She feels the need to tell everyone constantly because she's not a very nice person. She is rather crude and crass. Whenever she offends or upsets someone else -- happens quite frequently -- she announces that the other person can't be upset with HER because, of course, she's Bi-Polar and Bi-Polar people can't help but be crude and crass.
Bullshit!
Bi-Polar Disorder is no excuse. She happens to be crude and crass because she chooses to be so. She has chosen to be self-centered and not give a damn about other people's feelings.
But this post isn't about her -- it's about me. I don't want anyone to think that because I'm beset with anxiety disorders, Asperger's, Klinefelter's and Schizotypal Personality Disorder that I think any of these conditions provide me with a ready excuse to be an ugly person. While each of my maladies provides its own challenges to navigating life, not a single one of them can cause me to be rude, mean-spirited or nasty to other people.
The way I see it is that I simply have to work harder at social interaction than the average bloke. Many aspects of social communications -- like body language and typical social assumptions -- don't come easily to me and, when I try to guess what is being conveyed, I tend to guess incorrectly. So, while I hope that those close to me take into account much of my social awkwardness and difficulties, I still believe that the onus falls squarely on me.
If I appear to others in a manner that is not consistent with my intent, then it is MY responsibility to figure out how to alter the appearance so that the real me shines through. It's a misnomer to think that having a personality disorder or a neurological condition grants a person the license to be brutish towards others.
It doesn't.
Bullshit!
Bi-Polar Disorder is no excuse. She happens to be crude and crass because she chooses to be so. She has chosen to be self-centered and not give a damn about other people's feelings.
But this post isn't about her -- it's about me. I don't want anyone to think that because I'm beset with anxiety disorders, Asperger's, Klinefelter's and Schizotypal Personality Disorder that I think any of these conditions provide me with a ready excuse to be an ugly person. While each of my maladies provides its own challenges to navigating life, not a single one of them can cause me to be rude, mean-spirited or nasty to other people.
The way I see it is that I simply have to work harder at social interaction than the average bloke. Many aspects of social communications -- like body language and typical social assumptions -- don't come easily to me and, when I try to guess what is being conveyed, I tend to guess incorrectly. So, while I hope that those close to me take into account much of my social awkwardness and difficulties, I still believe that the onus falls squarely on me.
If I appear to others in a manner that is not consistent with my intent, then it is MY responsibility to figure out how to alter the appearance so that the real me shines through. It's a misnomer to think that having a personality disorder or a neurological condition grants a person the license to be brutish towards others.
It doesn't.
I know someone with Bipolar disorder. Ou has never been crude or crass, to my knowledge.
ReplyDeleteWhy does the onus fall on you as for social interaction? As I understand it, body language and other things that are difficult for Aspies to understand don't actually carry any meaning, logically speaking. Shouldn't we expect people to say what they mean rather than making others guess through how they move their body parts or intone their voice?
Finally, what is the "real me"? Perhaps your acquaintance's "real me" is a crude and crass person. At any rate, insofar as Bipolar may make her crude and crass, isn't Bipolar disorder part of her "real me"?
I know someone with Bipolar disorder. Ou has never been crude or crass, to my knowledge.
ReplyDeleteThat's my point. BP and being rude and crass don't have to go hand-in-hand.
Why does the onus fall on you as for social interaction?
Because it quite often happens that the feeling I'm trying to express doesn't come across to other people. I can think of many times during my life when I tried to pay a person a sincere compliment, but anyone within earshot thought it was a put-down. Since that was certainly NOT my intention, the onus falls on me to work to express myself more effectively.
Finally, what is the "real me"? Perhaps your acquaintance's "real me" is a crude and crass person. At any rate, insofar as Bipolar may make her crude and crass, isn't Bipolar disorder part of her "real me"?
In my case, the "real me" tends to be a nice guy...though I can have my "moments" just like most anyone else.
Further, I don't think anyone is born crude and crass. It's a choice some people make because they care more for themselves and discount others.
Fair points. Sometimes I like to think my real me is crude and crass. :)
ReplyDelete