Over at Christian Taoism, HK writes, in part,
If dying is a natural part of living,
why does it hurt so much to lose
someone dear? Why so much pain?
For me, death for the living is so painful because it represents loss; something that can be forever remembered and cherished, but never replaced.
While we like to believe that we are our own person, who we are is made up of every being that has impacted us throughout our lives. All those experiences and relationships congeal into the thing we call ourselves.
So, when one of those beings or things dies -- a person, animal, friendship or idea -- a small part of us dies too. In many ways, the act of living is like being a huge stone monument in which each day a little more is chipped away. In time, enough is chipped away so that the whole structure collapses.
When death comes to those closest to us, huge slabs break away. Yet, we often are affected by the deaths of people we don't even know (e.g., Haiti, 9/11, etc.). I believe that these anonymous deaths hurt our psyche because of the loss in collective consciousness. It's not unlike in the movie Star Wars when one of the Jedis talks about a great disturbance in the force.
What do you think? Why does death hurt the living so damn much?
While we like to believe that we are our own person, who we are is made up of every being that has impacted us throughout our lives. All those experiences and relationships congeal into the thing we call ourselves.
So, when one of those beings or things dies -- a person, animal, friendship or idea -- a small part of us dies too. In many ways, the act of living is like being a huge stone monument in which each day a little more is chipped away. In time, enough is chipped away so that the whole structure collapses.
When death comes to those closest to us, huge slabs break away. Yet, we often are affected by the deaths of people we don't even know (e.g., Haiti, 9/11, etc.). I believe that these anonymous deaths hurt our psyche because of the loss in collective consciousness. It's not unlike in the movie Star Wars when one of the Jedis talks about a great disturbance in the force.
What do you think? Why does death hurt the living so damn much?
because humans think on an individual basis. to die is to lose one's identity as an individual.
ReplyDeleteanimals do not mourn the loss of each other, at least not in the lasting sense that humans do. they simply move on with their lives as if nothing especially important happened. this is because an animal has a very limited individual identity. (or at least they seem to. these statements are made from observation not, obviously, direct experience!)
humans have an overblown individual identity. we mourn the loss of an individual, not the loss of life. when we grieve, we grieve for the loss of the person, because we believe we are individuals. while it is true that we are individuals, we are also part of the universe and going back to the universe to start another cycle is not a bad thing, but it does mean the loss of identity, which is scary.
Iktomi,
ReplyDeleteI'm going to disagree with you re animals. I write this because of my experiences. While I think it's true that some animals "move on with their lives as if nothing especially important happened," I don't think this is true in all cases.
For over a decade we had two dogs, Becca & Heidi. They were inseparable. Wherever you found one, you found the other close by.
When Becca became too ill from cancer, we had her euthanized. Heidi moped around for months and she constantly searched for her sissy.
About one year before Becca died, we also adopted Scruffy. Heidi & Scruffy ONLY became best pals AFTER Becca died. Later, when Scruffy died, Heidi sunk into a deep depression. She became listless and not herself.
Eventually, we adopted Jasmine. This younger dog helped bring Heidi back from the brink. Heidi was never as close to Jasmine as she had been to Becca, then Scruffy, but having another dog around seemed to please her.
When Heidi died two months ago, Jasmine hardly blinked an eye. She appears to fit your example to a tee; Heidi didn't.
Because hurt as death is part of the human condition. Maybe individualism is part of why sorrow hits you harder, but since I do not view individualism per se as negative - I think a more relaxed individualism is part of the answer. Maybe... ;)
ReplyDeleteI read this today before work. Did not comment. Thought about it a few times during the day. I have a few thoughts but no answers.
ReplyDeleteIt is perhaps a personal thing, operating on the personal level and dealt with according to circumstance.
TRT, what you say is true. some of our goats will go around searching for their babies after they have died. one cat ran away to go look for her lost kitten. it was pretty sad. if 2 animals have close bonds then if one dies, the other grieves. hmmm re-evaluating my statement...
ReplyDeleteperhaps the reason we grieve is because of the bond between us and our loved ones. the stronger the bond, the stronger the grief?
Again this has popped into my head a few times today and I have not found any solid answers.
ReplyDeleteAttachment though is key. The Taoist stories do talk of death. Lei Tzu about the piglets who just up and leave mummy once she no longer serves the purpose (of giving them milk as she is now dead). Chuang Tzu of the parties and '3 shouts' and other not-so-traditional responses.
One of them also hints at how someone who left behind a lot of grieving people had failed them all. That they should have managed life better and had these people understand passing better and not instilled so much into these people that they felt loss at their moving on.
Chaung Tzu has a lot to say about this.
ReplyDeleteBuddha taught the Five Remembrances...1. We are not above growing old. 2. We are not above getting sick. 3. We are not above change. 4. We are not above dying. 5. The only thing we own is our actions. Obviously number four is what I refer to. Life is the mother of death. Without life, there is no death. Without death there can be no life. Ajahn Chah said this about attachment. Ajahn picked up the drinking glass next to him and explained how he found it useful to view the glass as already broken. He realized that sooner or later the glass would be gone. It might get knocked over or mislaid, stolen or borrowed and never returned, or perhaps he would be 'gone' first and be unable to take it with him! This being the case he was free to explore it's shape and feel, to enjoy the way the sunlight was transformed into wonderful colors by passing through it. Because he realized the futility of attachment to this object he could truly give his attention to it without any suffering, without any fear of losing it souring the experience.
ReplyDelete