Thursday, November 12, 2009

Real Life Tao - Fighting Fire with Fire

In the discussion of "Wen Tzu, Verse 19, Part II", I provided the example of how war and/or violence doesn't beget peace, only more war or violence. I'm now going to walk through an even stickier wicket -- spanking.

Years ago in Mad Magazine, one of the regular features was "The Lighter Side of ...". This particular feature looked at the absurdities and inconsistencies of modern life. One that has stuck with me to this day showed a mother spanking her son while screaming something akin to "Never (swat) hit your (spank) sister!" As this example underscored, the message the parent was delivering to both children was about as inconsistent as humanly possible!!

I've never understood the rationale utilized by so many parents that spanking a child for a perceived misbehavior is a way to show how much you love that child. More often than not, a spanking is meted out in anger and represents a sort of tribal knee-jerk response. The parent becomes so exasperated by the offending behavior that, rather than discuss the issue, a hand (or worse) across the face, hand or butt relieves the parent's immediate anger and/or frustration.

I realize that some parents wait for their anger and frustration to subside before administering corporal punishment. However, from my perspective, that's even worse! They are making a cold-blooded decision to inflict pain and humiliation upon someone they supposedly love! What kind of twisted message is that?

I realize a lot of people will say that they were spanked as a child and they turned out okay. It taught them respect and how to comport themselves. But if you look at our world today, one of the persistent problems is violence in all its various forms. Violence is a very widespread means for nations, groups and individuals to utilize to "solve" problems and, far too often, it's the first tool pulled out of the bag.

Maybe if the spanking of children wasn't so ubiquitous, adults would more frequently try to resolve problems in other ways. What we learn during our formative years tends to stick with us throughout the entirety of our lives.

I should note that this is not the lamentation of a person who was struck up one side and down the other during my formative years. I'm not unloading pent up angst against my parents for perceived brutal treatment as a child. Though I don't think either of my parents ever heard of Lao Tzu, they didn't believe in the concept of fighting fire with fire. I was never spanked...not even once.

This post is part of a series. For an introduction, go here.

7 comments:

  1. Full disclosure--I, too, was never spanked as a child (or as an adult for that matter, although that's a different issue). But I don't think you can really reason with a child. You imply a parent would do better to discuss the issue with the child, but that's assuming the child is a rational actor. Can we really assume children are rational actors? For that matter, can we assume adults are rational actors? I find humans pretty incorrigible, which is why I tend to favour a police state.

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  2. Let me get this straight. You've never been spanked as a child nor as an adult, yet you favor the power of the police state? Talk about a contradiction drawn from your own life! Are you suggesting that you would be a better person today if your parents had waylaid you?

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  3. I was spanked as a child, but it was more the cold-blooded kind. The theory seemed to be that if a child doesn't demonstrate correct behavior based on instructions alone, then you have to give them the additional incentive of avoiding pain. The amount of pain doesn't have to be large, but it has to be clearly linked with the misbehavior. Exactly like putting a dog's nose in its own doo if it goes on the rug.

    Which is actually two incentives. One, you want to avoid the physical pain. Two, you want to avoid the shame of having demonstrated that you deserve to be communicated with through pain because you are too stupid or bad for any other message to get through to you.

    Dasein, you've hit quite close to the center of it with your comment. The answer I would give to your question is, if the children or adults involved are our allies (family members, fellow citizens), then we must assume that they are rational actors and treat them as such. We must try to communicate with allies in every possible way before we resort to communication through violence.

    Because once violence becomes part of the dialogue, it is no longer communication among allies. It is despotism. There is, philosophically, no difference between Mao's "Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun" and Mom or Dad's "Do what I say or I'll give you a spanking!"

    Props to you for recognizing the logical endpoint of your own position. Though I'd be curious to know, since your parents didn't go in for spanking, if you've ever been on the receiving end of despotic power expressed through violence in any other phase of your life. Seems like an important thing to have experienced if you're going to espouse it as a political ideal.

    The only major upshot of having been spanked, that I can think of, has been that it made me kinky in ways my fiance isn't. We muddle through somehow, though. :)

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  4. RT--Yes. I think I probably turned out well (if I may say so) despite, not because of, my never having been spanked or spied upon by the State. Usually when I venture out into Society, I see that humans are both selfish and stupid (not to mention children), which leads to massively tragic consequences (to name one, global warming). This is why humanity must be kept on a short leash.

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  5. FL--SOrry, I only read your comment after I had already posted my reply to RT.

    In generally, I can't assume my allies are rational actors. I don't have any children (nor, in any likelihood given I'm socially retarded, will I), but can anyone claim that children are rational? I think I've seen enough examples of children to know that they aren't. Moreover, are most of our fellow citizens rational? I think Comrade Mao was making an extremely obvious but also extremely true point when he said that. Is Comrade Mao going to instruct his fellow Chinamen who are rejecting communism about the intricacies of Marxist theory, Leninist theory and Mao Zedong thought? No. If he does that there's a greater chance that his enemies will simply quit listening to him and shoot him. Instead, Comrade Mao is going to shoot his enemies first, and instantiate his theory afterwards.

    I have never been on the receiving end of any sort of violence or espionage (that I know of) whatsoever. I don't think that invalidates my point, but I will answer your question honestly.

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  6. Dasein36,
    Have you ever considered that the reason many of your fellow citizens are selfish and irrational is due to the way they were brought up, including spankings? Maybe if children were treated more along the lines that Fiat Lex suggests, society would turn out more caring and compassionate adults!

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  7. Among the places I came to this conclusion was my years at uni. I went to a university which basically catered to spoiled rich kids who weren't that smart. I suspect most of them were never spanked.

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