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Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The American Theocracy - School Prayer

Over the past generation, we've witnessed much debate and lobbying in regards to the issue of prayer and religious activities in the public schools. There have been heated exchanges at local school board meetings, legislatures and the halls of Congress. So, you'll be happy to learn that, in the new American theocracy, school prayer and religious activities will no longer be debated issues.

Prayers will become mandatory! At the beginning of each school day, the teacher will lead the students in prayer. I'm certain that part of these daily prayers will remind students that their teachers are akin to surrogate parents and so the commandment about honoring mummy and daddy applies. Since corporal punishment will be reinstated as a preferred disciplinary measure -- spare the rod, spoil the child -- prayer time should get the kiddies in a "free and easy" (snort) learning mode!

At the outset, any prayer that mentions the Christian God will be deemed acceptable. Within a generation or two, however, the ranks of progressive Christian teachers will start to wane; non-Christian teachers already will have been sacked. By this juncture, prayers will reflect the god of the fundamentalist movement -- you know, the one who loves each of us so much that he's ready and willing to send most of us to hell!

No longer will students need to go off to their own churches for religious activities. Such activities will become important aspects of the school curriculum itself. Almost all student groups will be religion-based too.

The only area in which there may be a few persistent problems concerns those students who come from non-Christian homes (e.g., Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Pagan, Mormon, Jehovah Witness, Unitarians, etc.). In the new American theocracy, there is no room for other faiths! Non-fundamentalist Christian prayers by students will warrant institutional ostracizing, beatings (corporal punishment), suspensions and expulsions.

Don't even think of starting a non-fundamentalist Christian student group! That will be an obvious no-no.

With prayer now a fundamental aspect of every student's educational experience, our young people will lead the world in biblical knowledge. That will be something to crow about...since we will be turning out complete nincompoops in relation to most other subjects like science, math, history and the humanities!

If you're interested in reading more from this tongue-in-cheek series, go to the The American Theocracy Index page.

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