Utter Frivolity

During my first four semesters in college, my grades were deplorable. As my mother said, I wasn't putting my best foot forward. I was reminded of this fact tonight as I continue my "spring cleaning" project and I came across one of the chief reasons my grades suffered so much during that period -- song parodies.

Because I don't do well in crowds and I was attending a large urban university which held intro courses in a full auditorium, I often looked for mechanisms that would ensure I kept my head down (so I wouldn't notice I was surrounded by TOO many people). So my friend Roger Kennedy and I would spend all our time -- not taking notes like good students -- but writing song parodies of popular hits.

For example, here's our version of Anne Murray's "You Needed Me".

You Kneaded Me
I was just wheat, a lonely shaft.
Out in the field in winter's draft.
You cut me down and took me to the mill
and you made sure that not a speck was spilled.
Oh, I was truly thrilled.

You took me home and placed me in a tin
where stone ground wheat had already been.
Then, later on, you came and set me free
and turned me into your favorite recipe.
You kneaded me. You kneaded me.

Now I can't believe or know that I will soon be dough,
that sometime soon I will be bread.
I'm rising fast. I'm growing past this one loaf pan
and I'll reach my goal in life once you've been fed.

My skin turned brown -- yes, I was done.
You took out me into that golden sun.
You sliced me up on the sandwich rack.
I did not mind when placed inside a sack
(although the room went black.)

I was just wheat, a lonely shaft.
Out in the field in winter's draft.
You cut me down and took me to the mill
and you made sure that you paid the bill.
You kneaded me. You kneaded me...

Here's the real version:



Because I know many of you are gluttons for punishment, here's our version of Kenny Rogers & the First Edition's "Ruby, Don't Take Your Love to Town":

Ruby, Take Bowser to the Pound
Your dog has gone 'n ripped 'n chew'd 'n dirtied up our house.
Ruby, you must agree that I have been a patient spouse.
A time will come when I'll allow your doggie to be drowned.
Oh Ruby, take bowser to the pound.

It wasn't me who gave you that 'ol crazy half-breed mutt,
but I gave in and let him stay to shut your whining up.
And yes, it's true some dogs are said to be a man's best friend.
Oh Ruby, I fear our union's near the end.

It's hard to love a gal who spends her night times with the dog.
The wants and the needs of a guy my age to you are like a fog.
But it won't be long I'm telling you when I won't stay around.
Oh Ruby, take bowser to the pound.

He's hungry now cuz I just heard him scratching at the door
the way I know I've heard him scratch a hundred times before.
And if so inclined, I'll get my gun and put him in the ground.
Oh Ruby, take bowser to the pound.
Oh Ruby, gosh sakes, he's a hound!

Again, here's the real version:



Ok, that's enough. I won't subject you to any more. It's simply interesting to reflect on what we did, said or wrote in our youth from the lens of many years later.