Afternoon Matinee: Protest - It Makes a Fellow Proud to Be a Soldier

Performed by Tom Lehrer

The heart of every man in our platoon must swell with pride

For the nation's youth, the cream of which is marching at his side

For the fascinating rules and regulations that we share

And the quaint and curious costumes that we're called upon to wear

Now Al joined up to do his part defending you and me

He wants to fight and bleed and kill and die for liberty

With the hell of war he's come to grips

Policing up the filter tips

It makes a fellow proud to be a soldier!

When Pete was only in the seventh grade, he stabbed a cop

He's real R.A. material, and he was glad to swap

His switchblade and his old zip gun

For a bayonet and a new M-1

It makes a fellow proud to be a soldier!

After Johnny got through basic training, he

Was a soldier through and through when he was done

Its effects were so well rooted

That the next day he saluted

A Good Humor man, an usher, and a nun

Now, Fred's an intellectual, brings a book to every meal

He likes the deep philosophers, like Norman Vincent Peale

He thinks the army's just the thing

Because he finds it broadening

It makes a fellow proud to be a soldier!

Now, Ed flunked out of second grade, and never finished school

He doesn't know a shelter half from an entrenching tool

But, he's going to be a big success

He heads his class at OCS

It makes a fellow proud to be a soldier!

Our old mess sergeant's taste buds had been shot off in the war

But his savory collations add to our esprit de corps

To think of all the marvelous ways

They're using plastics nowadays

It makes a fellow proud to be a soldier!

Our lieutenant is the up-and-coming type

Played with soldiers as a boy, you just can bet

It is written in the stars

He will get his captain's bars

But he hasn't got enough box tops yet

Our captain has a handicap to cope with, sad to tell

He's from Georgia, and he doesn't speak the language very well

He used to be, so rumor has

The Dean of Men... at Alcatraz

It makes a fellow proud to be

What as a kid I vowed to be

What luck to be allowed to be a soldier

(At ease!)

~ from Lyric Wiki ~