The Waiting Game

Trey Smith

I have never been the most patient person in the world. Once a decision is made or plan of action has been drawn up, I'm the kind of person who wants to move on it...even if "it" isn't something I necessarily am looking forward to.

Back in August 1992, as my mother lay near death, I started getting a bit peeved with my mom because she kept hanging on. Mind you, she was completely out of it, having been almost comatose for 3 days. Once I finally accepted the fact that her death was near, I wanted to deal with the anguish straight on, not have it play out over many hours.

Of course, when her heart flatlined, only then did I realize that I wasn't half as prepared for her demise as I thought I was! Not unlike others in a similar situation, I grieved over the fact that I couldn't spend a few more minutes by her side stroking her hair and telling her how much I loved her.

It is in this same vein that, while I don't really want Della to go, the waiting for her to go is starting to get on my nerves. With her scheduled departure date set for Sunday, I find myself almost wishing we would just get it over and done with!!

I know I'm not alone in this regard. Della too has expressed a similar sentiment. It's not that each of us relishes our impending physical separation -- neither of us do -- but it's hard on us emotionally as the hours tick by. We both will need to set-up new routines in a manner of days and so we both are anxious to start this process.

But we also know that, when the time finally arrives to say goodbye, we will both be basket cases! Della faces a 200+ mile drive by herself into uncharted waters in a strange community. I face my own uncharted waters as I remain behind without my partner OR a vehicle. For a good long while, the sole tether that will bind us will be a telephone!

And so we wait impatiently. Part of us wants to get the goodbyes over with and part of us doesn't want to say goodbye at all.

Such is life.