The Fear

Trey Smith

As my wife prepares to leave the family nest tomorrow to travel to White Salmon to begin her AmeriCorps experience, I've discussed with you the mixture of emotions involved. However, there is one emotion I have steered clear of and that emotion is fear. While it is not something to dwell on, in situations like these, there tends to be a nagging fear that most of us try to keep below the surface.

When the time comes for Della to depart, we will say to each other what most people say when one or another goes away for a period of time: See ya soon. That is our hope, but the nagging little voice -- the one that most of us try not to listen to -- says something else. It tells us that we may never see each other again.

People die all the time. Relationships can change, particularly when a couple is separated. We are going into this adventure with the idea that we both will remain safe, healthy and committed to each other, but we understand that reality and intentions don't always mesh.

While the idea that either one of us will meet someone new and fall in love is remote, it IS a possibility. However, in truth, that's not something I think either of us is all that concerned about. No, the real fear is that one of us will be seriously injured/suffer from a health issue and die and the other won't be able to get there in time.

For most people, one of the worst heartaches imaginable is for a beloved to be near death and you can't be there for them. Not only that, but you wonder if, you had been there all along, maybe this bad circumstance could have been avoided altogether.

Whether one speaks of spouses, parents, children, various other relatives or close friends, most of us want to protect those we love from harm. If we are unable to protect them, at least, we want to be there to provide love and support. Knowing you most likely can't be there in their time of need creates anxiety.

And let's be brutally honest here. You don't have to be physically separated to find yourself in this kind of situation. People go off to work, school or the grocery store everyday and don't come back. You could be in the kitchen and a loved one could keel over dead in the living room or basement. Heck, couples go to bed together at night and only one of them wakes up in the morning.

In most instances, we don't know when death will visit our door. It could be one second from now or decades away. And, if you love, the death of loved ones will bring heartache many times throughout your life. As much as we may like to think otherwise, there is no escape from this.

So, while each of us should be cognizant that time spent with our loved ones is precious and valuable, I believe that this sentiment is magnified when loved ones are separated. As I stated above, though this fear is not something to dwell on (simply because it can easily overwhelm a person), it is not unhealthy to acknowledge it.

My sincere hope is that, at some not-too-distant date, Della and I will be reunited and we will move forward in this adventure together. But I am also aware of the possibility that, when we hug and kiss goodbye on Sunday morning, we may never see each other again.

Such is life.