Without You

Trey Smith

A man who had recently separated from his wife shot his two children, killing his seven-year-old daughter, before turning the gun on himself, prosecutors said.

A family member called police Saturday night after finding the bodies of 41-year-old Daryl Benway and his daughter, Abigail, in the master bedroom of their two-story Oxford home, Worcester County district attorney Joseph Early said.

Benway's nine-year-old son, Owen, was found shot in the head in the kitchen and was taken to UMass Memorial Children's Medical Center in serious condition. Owen has been in pediatric intensive care, a spokesman for Early said Sunday. He said he had no additional information about Owen Benway's condition, and a hospital spokeswoman would not comment.

Benway's wife, Kelleen, returned home after the shootings, unaware of what had happened, and found a swarm of police cruisers and television crews, Early said. She was taken to the children's hospital, where authorities told her what had happened to her husband and children.
~ from Massachusetts Father Shoots Children Before Killing Himself from The Guardian ~

While I can't know what was going through this man's head, it would appear that he was having trouble coming to grips with a failing marriage. It makes one think that he was the sort of fellow who couldn't fathom the thought of living one single moment without this woman by his side. Maybe he also was one of those blokes who saw his children simply as an extension of himself. Since he felt HE couldn't go on living without his wife, it might have followed in his mind that his children couldn't be happy without the family unit intact.

I grant this is all mere speculation. It could have nothing to do with this specific incident. I bring up these points, however, because there are many people who feel this way. They define their own self-worth by their relationships. If a particular relationship sours, then their self-esteem collapses.

It reminds of the popular song by Harry Nilsson from the 1960s, Without You.

While this is a very emotional and heartfelt song, I cringe at the line, "I can't live, if living is without you." It sounds like the theme song of every individual who has killed themselves and others because of despondency over a failed relationship.

Each life is precious and, from my perspective, the purpose of each life is to live it to its fullest (however you wish to define that). While external forces and beings play a role in our understanding of ourselves, they are mere accompaniments. Who we are is innate and needs no externalities to give it "meaning."