Huainanzi - Entry 74

Trey Smith

When liking is overextended, it becomes indulgence; and if you are indulgent, you lack authority.
~ a passage from The Book of Leadership and Strategy by Thomas Cleary ~

An acquaintance of mine is a parent who, when it comes to his two children, never learned how to say the word, NO! Whatever the kiddies want, they ultimately get. These two children have become master manipulators. They throw tantrums and act like the spoiled brats they are until daddy caves in like they know he will.

My friend says he parents this way because he doesn't want to see his progeny unhappy or suffer. He wants to give them the things he didn't have as a child. He thinks they love him because he is overindulgent to a fault.

Sadly, from what I've seen, neither child respects their father. Both are now teens (19 and 15) and they only seem to interact with dear old dad when they WANT something. The rest of the time they treat him like a persona non grata.

There have been a few times in the past year or so, when daddy has tried to say, no. In each case, his kids ignored him. They went right on doing the destructive things (to themselves or others) that they were doing. They ignored him because he lacks authority.

The saddest part of this situation is that he doesn't understand WHY he lacks authority with his children. I've tried to help in see why, but he keeps repeating the same mistake over and over again, while expecting a different result each time!

To read the introduction to this ongoing series, go here.