Spotlight on The Philosophy of Me

In the past, when I have chosen to draw your attention to one of my favorite blogs, I have offered my own analysis and commentary about said blog along with one or two sample blog posts. While there is no wrong with this type of approach, I recently decided to present this infrequent series in a different way.

Today's Blog Spotlight is on The Philosophy of Me: The Life and Mind of No One Special. To explain what this blog is about, I have invited its author, Tim, to do the honors himself.

About five years ago I was diagnosed with a mood (Schizoaffective) disorder and a personality (Anti-Social Personality) disorder. Throughout my entire life I have had to deal with and find new ways to live with my mental illness. Prior to starting my blog, I was plagued with so many thoughts and emotions haunting me until I was finally consumed. I go through these cycles every year, and I would either end up in the hospital or just emotionally broken. I had so many things to get off my mind, but I lacked an outlet to purge my thoughts and feelings.

In August of 2009, I hit a rather nasty episode of depression, and I decided the only way out of my pain was to kill myself. I wrote a heartfelt letter to my family and I grabbed all my prescription medicine and set off to work with the intent of not coming home.

As I sat in my office reading over my suicide note, I felt so much was left out to properly convey the pain I was in. I decided to start a journal chronicling my distress, so when the day came I could leave these words behind. I started writing in my journal, but all my entries would come across in poetry form, or at least what I thought poetry was. I went with this style and wrote entry after entry. My final poem “To My Children” was penned in November 2009 with a date of February 8th 2010. I actually felt at ease with taking the trip to the great unknown.

I snapped out of this episode in December, and finally made it back to reality. I went back to read my journal, and I felt my poetry was raw and dark, but I also thought it was good. I had this strange emotion of hope that I could take this journal and turn it into a poetry book, thus living out my dream of becoming a professional writer. My wife found this website where I could self-publish my work and as a result “My Descent into Madness” was born.

Since being asked by Trey if I would be interested in having my blog featured on his blog spotlight, I have been sitting here trying to think of the proper words to describe my blog and the only words I can think of are “personal” and “random.” My site is a personal invitation inside the inner workings of my mind and a window into my very being. I write about my personal struggles with my mental illness. I talk about my personal journey to find answers to questions which have no answers, such as my search to find meaning between nothingness and faith.

I have no clear agenda when I sit down to write my posts. There is no preparation or thought I put into it. I simply sit back and grab a random thought from the millions of endless racing thoughts shooting around in my head. I just quickly grab one and go with it. I also look at this blog as a forum. I encourage comments and participation. This is key in trying to turn this thing into a society of thinkers.

My writing has changed my life. It has given me a new purpose; a glimmer of hope of living out my dream to become a writer. I know I will never become famous from writing on my blog. I also know I will never be known for my poetry books. What I do know and have 100% faith in is my children’s books. Here is where I believe my dreams will become a reality.

But if someone were to give me the choice of becoming a famous writer or give up my blog; I would choose this blog. This thing of mine is special to me. It gives me a forum to pour out my inner most feelings and, instead of being stuck inside, I am able to share them with the world.

Just let me add that Tim's blog is one of the 3 or 4 I visit everyday. It's fresh. It's raw. Some of the subject matter can be a bit uncomfortable, at times, but it's written from the heart and that counts big time in my book.