Tao Bible - 1 Samuel 5:9

And it was so, that, after they had carried it about, the hand of the LORD was against the city with a very great destruction: and he smote the men of the city, both small and great, and they had emerods in their secret parts.
~ King James version ~

Don't blame Tao if you get hemorrhoids!
~ possible Taoist alternative ~

After stealing the Ark of the Covenant from the Hebrews, the Philistines are beset with many problems, including emerods (hemorrhoids).

Tao cares not if you wish to make a representation of Tao. Tao certainly won't "punish" you by inflicting you with sores in and/or on your anus!

If you're interested in reading more from this experimental series, go to the Tao Bible Index page.