One of the key concepts of Taoism is that each being needs to come to grips with and try to understand one's internal nature. Where we humans tend to get ourselves in trouble is when we try to do things against our nature. When that happens, trouble is sure to be around the next corner!
However, what is a person to do if their nature is squirrelly to start with? Should we just accept it in all its wonderful oddness?
I've really been down on myself for the past two days because I allowed my anxiety to get the best of me. I was supposed to have oral surgery today to remove all my teeth, but I had to reschedule because I worried myself sick -- literally. I became so overly anxious that it knocked my internal defenses down a notch or two and, for the first time in nearly a decade, I caught a cold. Since my surgery entailed general anesthesia, the cold virus necessitated a postponement.
Here's my problem. One of my Asperger's traits is anxiety. I have been an anxious person from the day I was born. Even as a young child, I was overly nervous; always fretting about something or several somethings. All throughout my life, I've been a worrywart. So, this seems to be part of my nature.
Conversely, I know that anxiety is pointless and, in many ways, dangerous. In most cases, anxiety can lead to a myriad of physical problems down the road.
Even worse, as a highly rational person, I've tried a number of strategies to lessen my innate anxiety and none of them seem to work for long. Over the past two weeks, I seemed able to reign in my anxiety for brief stretches of time, but every time I thought I had it licked, back it came.
And so I'm left with a conundrum: Do I accept the fact that I'm a nervous Nellie or do I continue to try to fight against it? On one hand, the Taoist sages of old would urge me to embrace the former, yet they also state that anxiety itself is never the right road.
I'm leaning toward simply learning to accept it for what it is. I've spent my whole life fighting it to no avail. In fact, the more I try to fight it, the more anxious I become.
This post is part of a series. For an introduction, go here.
However, what is a person to do if their nature is squirrelly to start with? Should we just accept it in all its wonderful oddness?
I've really been down on myself for the past two days because I allowed my anxiety to get the best of me. I was supposed to have oral surgery today to remove all my teeth, but I had to reschedule because I worried myself sick -- literally. I became so overly anxious that it knocked my internal defenses down a notch or two and, for the first time in nearly a decade, I caught a cold. Since my surgery entailed general anesthesia, the cold virus necessitated a postponement.
Here's my problem. One of my Asperger's traits is anxiety. I have been an anxious person from the day I was born. Even as a young child, I was overly nervous; always fretting about something or several somethings. All throughout my life, I've been a worrywart. So, this seems to be part of my nature.
Conversely, I know that anxiety is pointless and, in many ways, dangerous. In most cases, anxiety can lead to a myriad of physical problems down the road.
Even worse, as a highly rational person, I've tried a number of strategies to lessen my innate anxiety and none of them seem to work for long. Over the past two weeks, I seemed able to reign in my anxiety for brief stretches of time, but every time I thought I had it licked, back it came.
And so I'm left with a conundrum: Do I accept the fact that I'm a nervous Nellie or do I continue to try to fight against it? On one hand, the Taoist sages of old would urge me to embrace the former, yet they also state that anxiety itself is never the right road.
I'm leaning toward simply learning to accept it for what it is. I've spent my whole life fighting it to no avail. In fact, the more I try to fight it, the more anxious I become.
This post is part of a series. For an introduction, go here.
A friend introduced me to a book by Dale Carnegie titled, "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" and it made a significant difference in my life. Although it contains references to Christian beliefs and the teachings of Jesus, the book is an excellent guide book for day-to-day living. I highly recommend checking it out. The book, a Tai Chi practice, and the Tao Te Ching have helped me transition from a chronic worrier to a recovering worrier. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI think you need to "rein in" your anxiety, not "reign" in it...(although you are letting it reign over you.)
ReplyDeleteYou may be making progress. Accepting your nature may be the first step i overcoming it.
Hey brother - what you speak of is fear. Remember those T-shirts from the 90's? "No Fear". Well I have a very clever friend who came up with a slogan for a T-shirt - "Only a fool has no fear - I am No Fool". Sometimes you have to be a real fool to have no fear or to feign it. Fight or flight? Sometimes the answer is not clear - deer in the headlight effect.
ReplyDeleteThe more you push through these things the more kick ass you will be. Maybe you have a good reason for that fear and should hit the road (do you need those choppers removed?). If there is a good reason to get those teeth taken out, grab a bottle of Jack and drink a fairly large portion before your appointment. Get one of those old school James Dean Motorcycle jackets, some dark shades and tell the dentist to hit you with his best shot. Realize the bad ass in you! Whatever you decide I hope you come to peace with it and I wish you luck.
Just stop thinking.
ReplyDeleteThoughts are first steps to materialize things later. Like your convenient cold.
I do not agree with the philosophy of I am what I am so I should not try to change. This is not to say that one should be in a constant struggle. As with anything else, balance is essential. If you are dark haired and want to be a blonde, be a blonde; but are those plastic surgery operations really essential? Try to open the window to change, but do not put your hand through it.
ReplyDeleteAnon,
ReplyDeleteI have several good books on the subject already; the problem is that what I can rationally understand and try to implement doesn't compute neurologically.
Baroness,
I think my anxiety reins, reigns and rains over me. Some days it's sunny and others it's very cloudy.
Diogenes,
Yes, fear plays a key role. My main fear? I don't deal well with unexpected things which is why I follow strict patterns and routines.
While the bottle of Jack might work for many, I don't drink. Never have.
Quixotica,
That's far easier said than done! That said, I agree with ya.
Roshi Hogan,
I hear you, but change can be difficult, if not impossible, if the pathways in one's brain are wired differently.
Here is my two cents.
ReplyDeleteAccept it for what it is and as a part of who are. Resisting your nature, especially a nature that is in conflict with the Tao, just gives it strength and identity. Anxiety/ fear are a part of human nature and we each must recognize it as a part of our nature. The trick is not to cling to it but let if flow around and by.
What a predicament you find yourself in Trey.
ReplyDeleteI wish there was some "sage" wisdom I could offer, but unfortunately I'm quite the worrier myself and would probably fair no better than you in this situation.
Worry can definitely wear down our biological defense systems - they don't call it dis-ease for nothing.
About the best I can do is wish you luck and hope you get through this soon and painlessly. Big life altering changes are never easy, especially for those of us prone to anxiety, etc.
Fare thee well, my friend.
I feel for you, Trey.
ReplyDeleteI am the same way.
Sorry. No words of wisdom. Only empathy.
oh wait .... Aspies aren't capable of that .... sorry no apathy here.
Just kidding, of course.
Hang in there and I do empathize with you.