Wen Tzu - Verse 72, Part III

from Verse Seventy-Two

The general principles for listening are to empty the mind so that it is clear and calm: discount moods and don't be full of them, have no thoughts and no rumination. Let the eyes not look at random, let the ears not here at ransom.

~ Wen-tzu: Understanding the Mysteries ~

Think back to the Tao Te Ching and the number of times Lao Tzu wrote about the value of space or the empty bowl. When a receptacle is full, you can't pour anything else into it. All that happens is that the new substance spills on the floor.

By the same token, if our minds are full of preconceived notions, biases, prejudices and whatnot, too often new information goes in one ear and out the other. We hear what the other person is saying, but we don't truly accept it because our attention is on what's already in our mind. In a manner of speaking, we've put a lid on our thinking and we're really not interested in removing it.

I can tell you as a former social worker -- also through my own personal experience -- that when we're engaged in an argument with another person, many of us have a tendency to plot out the next point we wish to draw attention to. We're really not paying close attention to what the other person is sharing with us. We only perk up when they utilize a word or phrase that we wish to pounce on or something that we feel will buttress our own position.

More often than not, conflicts begin and are prolonged by people who are talking, but NOT listening.

This post is part of a series. For an introduction, go here.