A Never Ending Story

It seems to be a fairly common trait amongst humans to believe that tomorrow will be a brighter day. When things aren't looking good, we're often told not to lament because our ship may come in tomorrow. Why do people gamble? It's in the belief that the next ticket or bet will be the surefire winner! This rosy future outlook even extends beyond this life. Most belief systems that posit our spirits and souls go somewhere after death believe that the good among us (at least) will be allowed to live forever in paradise. Aaah.

Fundamentalist Christians, in particular, seem overly fixated on the supposed destinations of heaven and hell. It's often difficult to have a cogent conversation with them without these two topics rearing their heads at some point. You've got to believe just like I'm telling you, they screech. If you listen to me and do exactly what I say, then you will live forever in bliss. Decide not to heed my warning, however, and you will be sentenced to a life of eternal torture.

What if it turns out these sorts of folks are horribly wrong! What if, once each of us dies, we all end up in the same place/state and this destination is far more like hell than heaven. The good people and the bad people. The saints and the sinners. The compassionate Samaritans and the bloodthirsty serial killers. Every single person checks in their bags at the Heartbreak Hotel.

While it might not be the most mature thing to do, I'm sure some of us will stick our tongues out at the holy rollers. "Well, who do we have here? It's Mr. & Mrs. Fire & Brimstone themselves! Kind of embarrassing meeting here, don't ya think?"

Some of the former believers will immediately claim that it's not their fault -- they were duped by the unscrupulous. Others will claim that they never really believed all the stuff anyway. Still others will protest that they never said what people think they said. And there will be a few brave souls who will fess up and state outright that they were wrong -- dead wrong.

Oh, there will be one more group. This group will take a decidedly different approach to the entire situation. I can hear a conversation that might go something like this:

Frick: Well boys, look who just dropped out of the sky. It's my old pal, Frack.
Frack: How ya doing Frickster?
Frick: What do you have to say for yourself, Frack? Looks like all your "steadfast" belief in Jesus, God and heaven has come to naught. After a life of browbeating everyone around you to believe exactly like you did, looks like your faith didn't pay off.
Frack: Oh, I wouldn't say that at all.
Frick: Whaddya talking about, Mr. Holier-Than-Thou? Have you looked around? Your new bunk mates are Josef Stalin and Ted Bundy!
Frack: I'm not worried. I won't be here long.
Frick: Don't you get it, Frackie boy? This is the end of the line. We're all stuck in this same cauldron of misery for eternity. You're not going anywhere.
Frack: Oh, but I am!
Frick: Okay Einstein, why do you think you're going to score a get out of jail free card?
Frack: Because this is simply a test.
Frick: A test? A test of what?
Frack: God wants to see who will continue to abide by his ways and those who do will be lifted to heaven.
Frick: Damn you! Not that same lame story again. It wasn't true when you told it in life -- you wound up here -- and it's not true now. Why don't you just admit that you were wrong?
Frack: With that kind of piss poor attitude, you will never leave this place.
Frick: Piss poor attitude? I'm simply dealing with the reality of the situation -- unlike you!
Frack: The reality is that I will soon be in heaven.
Frick: You are so maddening! Alright, I'll humor you. Why do you think this is a test?
Frack: It's so obvious! God realized that, during our days on earth, there were lots of people invoking his name who didn't really believe in him the way they should have. They led lots of people astray. So, he sent us all to hell as a way to separate the wheat from the chaff...

In time, Frack would start to ring up lots of converts -- people who craved to hear the message of a brighter day. Before you knew it, there would be billions upon billions of souls who believed in the test concept and each would be certain that they would be one of the lucky few to escape this horrible fate.

After awhile, though, disagreements would break out about what the test itself entailed, how long it would last, and hundreds of other points of contention. Soon, there would be thousands -- if not millions -- of different schools of thought, each with their own devoted adherents. Who knows? Maybe, even in hell, they would fight each other for domination and spend their days sniping at one other.

The few who accepted the situation for the way it was would be looked down on and called derisive names.

All the while, however, everyone would still be stuck living an existence in the same toxic cesspool and, regardless of all the high tales, no one would be going anyplace else.

The End.