One of the great legacies of a life filled with chronic pain or unending sorrow is how this affects a person's personality and the way such a person interacts with others. While it is certainly true that no one personality can be boiled down to a mere one or two traits, this manner of semi-constant experience forms the foundation of a person's overall outlook.
From my perspective, it's like a coin. You can choose to be heads or tails.
For some, pain and misery become the lens that all life is viewed through. Such people become cynical, crabby, insulting, difficult to be around and completely negative. They feel as if the world purposely has dealt them a bad hand and somebody -- EVERYBODY -- is going to pay dearly!
I have some sympathy for such people. Life is a crap shoot and some people just seem to be born on the short end of a short stick. While I can understand the tendency to want to blame others for situations beyond anyone's control, it's not helpful -- both to the sufferer and the world at large.
There is another choice available -- empathy. Because I must deal with chronic pain, I know this has allowed me to feel empathy for others in difficult situations and circumstances. While the particulars of my personal misery may be far different from another person's, the base emotion allows me to get in touch with what they too must be feeling.
And let's face it, pain, misery and sorrow are part of each of our lives. I've never met a person that has not been touched by all three. In fact, I dare say that, if a person could escape them, then they aren't living much of a life and they aren't in touch with their inner being.
In the end, however, both pain and joy are transitory. They flow into each other and both represent steps along the path of life. Both are part of Tao as is everything else.
How we deal with pain and sorrow is up to each of us. How do you flip the coin?
From my perspective, it's like a coin. You can choose to be heads or tails.
For some, pain and misery become the lens that all life is viewed through. Such people become cynical, crabby, insulting, difficult to be around and completely negative. They feel as if the world purposely has dealt them a bad hand and somebody -- EVERYBODY -- is going to pay dearly!
I have some sympathy for such people. Life is a crap shoot and some people just seem to be born on the short end of a short stick. While I can understand the tendency to want to blame others for situations beyond anyone's control, it's not helpful -- both to the sufferer and the world at large.
There is another choice available -- empathy. Because I must deal with chronic pain, I know this has allowed me to feel empathy for others in difficult situations and circumstances. While the particulars of my personal misery may be far different from another person's, the base emotion allows me to get in touch with what they too must be feeling.
And let's face it, pain, misery and sorrow are part of each of our lives. I've never met a person that has not been touched by all three. In fact, I dare say that, if a person could escape them, then they aren't living much of a life and they aren't in touch with their inner being.
In the end, however, both pain and joy are transitory. They flow into each other and both represent steps along the path of life. Both are part of Tao as is everything else.
How we deal with pain and sorrow is up to each of us. How do you flip the coin?
And let's face it, pain, misery and sorrow are part of each of our lives. I've never met a person that has not been touched by all three. In fact, I dare say that, if a person could escape them, then they aren't living much of a life and they aren't in touch with their inner being.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Trey.
Just to piggyback, in Buddhism much is said about how trying to avoid suffering simply causes more suffering, either by isolating oneself from it or numbing oneself by shutting down emotionally or by addictions to food, drugs, alcohol, tv, sex, etc.
Recently, I was walking around the office late in the afternoon finishing up some busy work and was whistling a little tune...
ReplyDeleteA cube-mate (we sit in little groups of four) heard me whistling as we both went to the printer to get papers... she asked me: "Why are you whistling? What is there to be happy about around here?"
Now, I'm fully capable of being a very harsh, cynical person (I try my hardest to overcome this when possible since it sucks to give into an emotion that destroys you)...but the answer that sprung to mind was, for my money, the best I've ever devised:
"There are many things around here I can't control. One of the things I CAN control is my own attitude."
She said something to the effect of: "Wow! That's a great answer!"
Bear in mind this lady is a 40-something mother of at least one teenager...I have a feeling that the teen in question will hear that one some day LOL
:-)
I also find that my attitude shapes how I perceive any event. When I am relaxed and calm, I can wave off any standard daily mishap as no big deal. When I am already tense, even a tiny mishap seems like "the end of the world."
ReplyDeleteGreat comments from each of you!
ReplyDelete